I Feel Censored

It's funny how you start to watch what you say when you think that someone you know, or in this case, think you know, might be reading. I hate that feeling. It leaves me with a lot of angst that I can't quite get rid of.

Because the last thing I want is for "that" person to read what's going on in my head. I have visions of laughter permeating a small office in California, PA. I think I can hear the laughter already here by my computer in Charleroi on Mon (as I like to call my little hamlet).

I get laughed at without having to have my feelings exposed. There's something about me that makes people burst out laughing.

Of course I should learn to keep my feelings to myself. It's much safer that way and I don't get laughed at as much. Which means I shouldn't let my desire to communicate take over. I went 2 weeks without saying anything to the person in question. Two full weeks without a 10 word or less email in reply, and it was probably a good thing, because then I couldn't read things into those 10 words, and I didn't have to worry about seeing an IP address show up from California, PA to make me sick to my stomach, because I know the person in question probably thinks I'm a total wack-a-doodle.

The worst part of it is, I'll never learn, because I always have that desire to put down somewhere what thoughts are running around in my head. Which is why I'll continue to embarrass myself. Or maybe I won't because I have no idea what's going on inside "that" person's head. (Probably a good thing)

Just like right now I'm tempted to send out an email, because of something "that" person said on the air. Said person is getting in shape for the new year. Funny, I think that person is damn close to perfect. Not that my opinion matters at all. I have a zillion things I want to say, but I know it's better to just shut my damn mouth, because if I say them, I'll make an ass of myself, again!

So see, I have to censor myself. It's for my own good.