I AM A TARD

I was clearing out all my emails this morning...and I went to my gmail account which I very seldom use and low and behold there was an email from...Fish, you know, He-who-should-be-flushed-down-the-toilet.

Hangs head in shame.

The childish girl in me has been avoiding him for 2 weeks and last Friday he sent me an email about a Nick Lowe article. AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL TODAY!

FUCK!!!

He sent me an email without my even sending him anything. He saw something and thought about me and emailed me, in the old style of 9 words or less but still he saw an article and was kind enough to sent it to me, knowing that it was about someone I like.

I feel kinda small right now. Really really small. Worse still that email came and if I'm right I had that freaky dream about him calling me the next evening. Damn, why haven't I checked my flipping gmail in over a week.

What do I do? He probably thinks I wasn't speaking to him and I wasn't, but I didn't want to not be speaking to him, I was doing what I thought was best. Because I want a friendship out of this, or at least an email buddy, and I haven't a clue what he wants, but one thing for sure it isn't the same.

But lordy...I do miss him.

Perhaps I should be the one flushed down the toilet.

~sigh~