Hey Jealousy

Hey Jealousy

It's a strong human emotion. Anyone that tells you that they've never felt envy or jealousy in their lives is probably lying to you. I know I've felt it many times. Too many times recently.

Most of it is petty jealousy as the result of my lack of a good job and money. I envy the people that can take real vacation or live in exciting places where things happen.

It's natural.

I don't let it eat me up, but I can't say that I don't feel it, especially when I'm sitting at home living vicariously through the lives of others. It's funny that the little things can really bring this emotion to a head. A picture. A vacation.

It's amazing how everywhere else in the world has quaint little places and things to photograph, southwestern PA has...erm...NOTHING!

Sigh, my camera longs to be used to photograph pretty things. (Which is why it hates when it has to photograph me, cos it knows I'm not a pretty thing)

It's just that there's so much I want to do in my life, and I've done nothing. Nothing worth mentioning that is.

When I start to get those petty feelings of jealousy, I think, is there anything that anyone would be jealous of me for...and the answer is a resounding no. Unless of course you want to be jealous of an underemployed, old ugly Beretta driving, fat, miserable, 30 year old. In which case, I say go for it, be jealous of me, and you have my pity.

And already I hear the cries of...you have your family...(yes I do..and I love them) you have your health...(erm...Topic Change)

Onto my health.

This comes along with the "Why can't I lose weight thing"

I talked to my mother about this today, because it's an unending source of grief for me. I used to be 115 pounds and a size 2. Being 154 and a size 8/10 kinda pisses me off. I realize that the 115 pound me was a 22 year old and that's not likely to happen unless John and Justin decide to put me through the sexercise aerobics.

I'm waiting guys!!

Bring it on!

I'll be waiting for a long time...I know.

But that brings up what was mentioned...when we finally have some extra money, perhaps I should shell out 80 bucks to go to the doctors and see if I have a thyroid contidition. In which case, I should resign myself to getting fatter...and the heart disease and the diabetes..that run in my mothers side of the family.

Yay! So that's the health that's probably ahead of me. So when I gripe about weight-loss, well I think I have good reason too. And I've been at this diet for months with little to no results.

So yeah..I'm jealous of little petty things...though I wish I weren't. I'm also jealous of all those skinny chicks out there....whose ranks I used to be in. Pardon me, but I think there is a rock that I was living under...I'm going back now.