Why?

I've been asking myself this all day. Why do I find myself focusing my attention on a man that doesn't know that I breathe on a regular basis. A man that can only respond to emails in one line responses.

Am I that desperate for attention? Do I have to latch onto people that will in no way ever have a friendship, let alone a relationship with me? Am I that scared of having someone get close that I can only focus on people that will never get close to me?

Most likely the answer to all of these is yes.

Damn.

And yes, I've been f-ed..erm screwed over enough that I prefer it this way. I know that if I were stuck face to face with the object of my lusting, I would turn into a quivering mass of goo or I would start babbling incoherently.

I can't act like a human being around someone I like. Which makes me wonder why I waste the emotion on people who can't return my sentiment?

Perhaps I'm a nut.

Perhaps I thrive on emails that consist of 10 words or less.

Perhaps I need to shut the damn radio off and try to figure out how to get my Zen to play on a computer that's older than dirt so that maybe after a week or two or ten I'll forget about that adorable guy that doesn't know I exist, and likely thinks I'm the most insane human being ever to walk the planet earth.