I Will Not Cry

I've vowed to myself that even though I feel like letting the sea of tears issue forth, I won't.

Last year, I made a huge fool of myself. It's something I'm really good at. If you could have a doctorate in being a fool I'd have a PH.D.

I let myself go on with the foolishness for a year now, simply because I've always had a problem drawing away from things.

Today I learned how "not nice" the person in question was. Things that I was trying to convince myself about them that couldn't possibly be true, were.

Its defeating because this seems to be a pattern with me. I want people that either want me to be something different from what I am, or people that don't want me at all. (Or are otherwise unavailable)

Maybe I'm scared of being with someone that would have to know me and my family. Maybe I'm just not worthy of notice.

Right now I feel really small and I don't know what would pull me out of the funk, but I know one thing, I refuse to shed anymore tears over this person. They don't deserve them.