When Will This Nightmare End

April 26th started a nightmare that I never wanted to deal with. I have so much to worry about now. There were always little things. Now I'm worried about will the house sell. How will I be able to pay the taxes on it. What's it going to do to my taxes next year. How much is the attorney going to cost us for the work on the estate because the change in the will did nothing to make the process easier.

My little head can't comprehend this. It's making me crazy.

We still have to get stuff out of the house but there's no one to help. It's all on me and that's becoming very frustrating and depressing because inevitably I end up crying because she's not there. Everyone thinks I should have stopped crying by now, but I can't. She may have been 101 but I wasn't expecting her to go. She was vibrant and so full of life until the very end. How can I have expected anything to happen? She was supposed to live forever. Damn it, that's what we all wanted. Grandma was eternal. She was the rock this family was built on.

I'm losing it, whatever "it" is and I don't know if I'll ever get it back. Not to worry though, it's not my sanity that's going, I never had that to begin with.