Weekends and I Don't Get Along Anymore

I can't seem to function at home anymore. I need to have more movement in my life or something. There was a time when I was up walking or doing something all the time. This is gone. I'm getting lazy and I really can't afford to be. There's so much to do, but the heat drags me down as do all the things I have on my mind right now.

Wednesday was the first day I didn't cry. I talked a lot about grandma, but I didn't cry. I think that's a step in the right direction. If only I could stay in her house for the time it takes to get some garbage ready to be put out without being reduced to tears.

This is part of my life that I'm cleaning out, too. My mum says she has no reason to want to keep the house because she only lived there until she was 18. I don't either but I was in that house so often. I remember so much, even when I wasn't as an attentive a granddaughter as I should have been.

That house has my laundry room, even though I'm getting used to using a regular washing machine. That house has the beautiful mirror in the dining room that I've always loved. It has the games I used to play with her when I was small, Candy Land, Chinese Checkers, all the puzzles and whatnot.

All of this awfulness started one Saturday morning, turning my life topsy turvy and I wish I could get past this, because I'm starting to hate Saturdays, especially around 1:30, which was when I found her. I know I've got to press on and get past this, but its proving a challenge, especially when there aren't other things to keep me occupied.