Still Exhausted

I'm trying so hard to get back to normal, but nothing I seem to do is working. I had to do laundry and since I'm used to using the ringer washer, I headed down to grandma's to use her machine.

The whole time I was doing the laundry I thought I could smell flowers. It wasn't the laundry detergent or the fabric softener. My guess is grandma was there watching over me and the nephew who was helping to make sure that we didn't squish our fingers in the washer or break her ancient but oh so much better than the modern machine.

It feels so strange to be there without her.

Its even stranger to be going through her things. It doesn't feel right. I hate to think that someday someone else will be living in her house and that the familiar will become strange, but there's no way that I could afford to keep the house for our family. All the other grandchildren have homes of their own. I don't know what I'd do if I ever wasn't in my own home with my parents. I've been here so long.

All the thinking and moving stuff around is tiring. I fell asleep last night with my glasses on before I had finished doing what I was doing. I had just laid down to rest for a minute and I had gone out for 3 hours.

I just need to start getting things sorted out. I don't know when that's going to happen though. There's still too much to do.