I'm In Another Funk

Finding those stupid pictures sent me into a bit of a depression. I can't say how much I miss Fish as a friend. And yes, it was my fault that I'm on thin ice with him, so to speak. I overreacted. I acted like a fool and I can't go back and fix things, and now he'd rather see me in hell then communicate with me.

That's the story of my life.

What's funny is...I wanted friendship more than I wanted anything else. I wanted a real honest to god friend that I could talk to (or email to) that wasn't half a world away.

Forgive me, if I can't see most of my online friends as little more than people that leave comments here and I share an ocassional email with, or that I comment on their page, etc.

We bitched about our jobs...I rambled about family and other stuff, but ultimately now, none of that matters. I was totally insignificant. As always. It was too much to ask that someone actually "like me" enough to be a damn friend.

I'm heartily sick of being lonely. I'm sick of all my friends being invisible beings inside a plastic box. I'm sick of relying on the damn computer for friendship. And I'm really damn sick of shedding tears over someone that never has a passing thought for me.

There's been no communication between us in about a week. I probably shouldn't call in a request, but I likely will. Its part of a routine for me now.

And if someone asked me what I wanted most for my b-day this year...I'd have to say that it would be my friend back.