Saving Mr. Banks

Tonight I was surfing through channels. You'd think when there are over 200 channels there would be things on besides, Friends, Big Bang Theory and Everybody Loves Raymond.

Thankfully as I hit the higher stations I found Saving Mr. Banks. I wanted to see this movie when it came out, but life wouldn't allow it.

I'm glad I sat down for those two hours.

Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks were brilliant. My heart broke for Mrs. Travers as the story progressed. As you saw snapshots of her young life, it was hard not to get emotional.

For those that aren't familiar with the premise, this is the story of how Mary Poppins came to the big screen.

I highly recommend this movie, and I'm not a fan of biopics etc. It definitely made me want to read the Mary Poppins books and learn more about their author.

Anyone else see this movie?

How Did I Miss This

I was surfing the internet today for random stuff when I ended up discovering a short lived sitcom from the mid 90s.

It was called Maybe This Time and starred Marie Osmond, Betty White and Craig Ferguson.

I found a bunch of episodes on Youtube, so I decided to watch one.

It was hilarious!

I can't believe this show only lasted one season.

Considering most of the shows that were made then were pretty lousy, one season is kinda sad. Oh and Betty White was pretty darn brilliant.  There were hints of Elka from Hot in Cleveland in Shirley.

If you have a chance to check this show out, it is worth it.

Sometimes You Just Need Sleep

I really want to hibernate this winter away.

I want to forget everything.

I know there are people going through the same thing I am and my heart breaks for them too.

In my 40 years of life, I think there were only a few weeks where I didn't see my father and mother. When they were in the hospital, I was there. I sat with him in the ER all but 2 times. I jeopardized my job to be with him.

And I would do it again if I had him.

My parents are my life.

They are all I have.

I was doing good the past few days, when it comes to crying. I thought I might be done, but I wasn't. I had a mini breakdown tonight. I just miss him so badly, and I hate life without him. It's so quiet and empty.

I hate my house because I keep looking for him and he's not here.

I want to sleep away this nasty depressing winter and wake in the spring when it is warm.

I Need To Get My Act Together

I was looking at my poor little book blog today, and I really need to devote some time to updating things over there.

I've spent a lot of time in a funk, and yes, it is a funk I'm allowed to have, but I hate not being organized. I hate when things fall by the wayside. My reading list from 2014 is only updated through August.

ARGH.

And I read quite a bit during that time period, so it will take awhile to update all my links.

I hate falling behind on stuff like that.

But I'd rather be reading than playing with links etc.

Its a vicious cycle for me.

I hate the blog not being organized, but I hate the process of organizing it.

ARGH

I just can't win.

Hump Day Hunks

I'm trying to be a better blogger. So why not bring out some pretty men, to make this blog worth visiting!

Ioan Gruffudd from Forever

Flynn from The Librarians

Nathan Fillion from Castle

I Am Angry

There is still no sign of anything being done with my car.

I have no problem with the car I have from the rental company, but I want them to start work on my damn car.

Make up your mind if you want to consider the incident under comprehensive or collision. It has been 18 days.

My car is sitting at the repair shop waiting.

It hasn't been started in probably 10 days, which means when the temps were below zero, no one tried the engine.

If anything happens to my head gasket as a result, I swear I will open a can of whoop ass on AllState. Becaue I hate to tell you, you aren't in good hands, when mayhem happens. They will treat you like crap.

And it isn't safe to drive a car that doesn't have a doorknob on the passenger side with the airbag light on.

Grrrr

I'm Over Winter

Our upstairs pipes froze the other day. Yay for subzero temps.

Blech!

Today there's freezing ick, but at least I made it to work.

I consider the months of Jan-March to be times when I'm lucky to get 40 hours of work in, because making it to the office can be impossible.

The only thing I want to do is sleep.

I'm not sure if it is depression causing this or if I just want to hibernate until the temperatures start to turn warmer.

Oh and the cough that came with the flu I got on Christmas?

It is still freaking here.

It is getting old.

I'm hoping the 40 degree temperatures that are in the forecast for the weekend will put some pep in my step, because I'm sick of how I'm feeling.

Things To Think About In 2015

How in the hell am I going to buy a house? There's a small one in town that is very reasonable and looks to be in good condition. I hope it is something doable in the new year. Unfortunately there's the whole, what to do with the old house thing going on.

How to get my life back. I have to say, life after dad, has not been easy. At every turn, I feel like I'm being kicked, and even worse, I feel like I have no friends anymore. My life is very lonely, and I'm not saying it to make anyone feel sorry for me, it is just how it is.

I want to become less dependent on the computer. It is happening slowly but surely, but it isn't easy at all.

I want to renew my love of music this year. I have found another band to love....Owl City. I think they fall under that strange genre known as twee. Seriously, who comes up with names for these types of music?

I Hate January

The first month of the year is so disgusting for many reasons.

1. All the damn weight loss and diet ads, spots on talk shows etc. Most of us know we need to lose weight and if I see that quack Dr. Oz tell us another sure fire way to drop pounds, I might just blow a gasket. Why haven't people figured out the guy is lying to the world?

2. The cold. Subzero temperatures suck, as does the snow. And I have no desire to move south as most of those states are red..and I'm a bleeding heart liberal.

3. Cold and flu season. Its been 3 weeks and I'm still coughing up a lung.

Pardon me while I go crawl under some blankets until spring.

Not a Good Way To Start The Year

I'm waiting for the tow truck to come for my poor little Ford Focus. It was stolen and taken for a joy ride some time on Jan 1. (Mind you, not New Year's Eve, but Jan 1st) Whoever took it sideswiped something and took off the passenger mirror and doorknob!

I feel like I'm being kicked when I'm down.

It doesn't help matters that I've been sick since Christmas night. Not sure if it is some nasty cold or the flu, but I have a lingering cough that is not very pleasant.

I'm not sure how much more I can take!

I'm a Sad Bunny

I saw an article about one of my school teachers who passed away a few weeks ago. She was a lovely lady who did much for the community, and her death was totally unexpected.

I felt a little jealousy when I read about the long lines at her visitation, because I wonder if there's anyone besides my immediate family who are crying for my father.

It is going on two months since dad passed away, and life isn't easier. It is more confusing and frustrating, and I don't know what to do and I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I feel so lost and alone and it hurts so much and I just want my daddy back.

Christmas Hits?

I love Christmas music. Everyone knows that. If the past 24 months hadn't been so awful, I would have had 2 more mix CDs done, or playlists or something.

This morning on GMA they were discussing why there weren't any big holiday hit songs, and there haven't been since Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." That was in 1996,

Holiday songs are a tricky thing.

The problem is there are some beautiful and fun ones out there, they just aren't by artists that are really well known, or they aren't big enough ear worms. That's really the key. To be a holiday hit, the song has to be a huge ear worm. It doesn't matter if it is religious or full of sentimental references. (That was what was referenced in the segment) The important thing is that you want to sing it, ALL THE TIME!

That's why songs like "All I Want For Christmas Is You", "Wonderful Christmastime" and of course, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" are huge during the holiday season. You hear them once, and you keep hearing them over and over again.

So why hasn't Katy Perry scored a huge holiday hit? I'm not sure, but I'm kind of glad it hasn't happened, because I still have "Roar" stuck in my head and really, that's painful enough.

If you don't love The Moody Blues' "Don't Need A Reindeer", there is something wrong with you! But that song wouldn't make the hit list, because the guys are older, and lets face it, you don't get much airplay after 40. Can anyone say age discrimination?

Oh and please tell people to stop remaking "Do They Know It's Christmas" and "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)." The remakes, even ones done by people that I love make my ears bleed.

Truth be told, we just want to hear our favorite holiday tunes this time of year. Well, except for White Christmas. I am so sick of that song, and everyone's desire to see snow on the holiday.

But I'm going to tell you the real reason why there hasn't been a huge holiday hit in nearly 20 years. It is because music is so disposable and even the big artists aren't quite as..erm..talented and out there as they were 20 years ago or more.

But for those looking for a good song for the winter months and Christmas here's Owl City's "Peppermint Winter"

Christmas Baking

This is the hardest part of Christmas this year...the baking.

My dad always had a sweet tooth and once I took on the responsibility of cooking, I made his treats. The last few years, I made dozens of cookies, and they brought him so much joy.

This year, each cookie I take off the tray brings a tear to my eye, because he's not here to enjoy them.

Here are two of my offerings for the holiday

The peanut butter chocolate confetti bars are chilling in the fridge.

Getting Nowhere Fast

I am spinning wheels again.

I have next to nothing done for the holiday. I have food bought, but very little else. I'm halfway through with presents, but I still have quite a few things I need to buy.

Tree?

I have no idea where we're even going to put it.

I need help and I'm still not getting it.

I didn't think it was possible to be more frustrated than I was prior to Nov 16, but I think I am.

I'm think I may just cancel Christmas this year. I just don't think that it is worth it.

Christmas Isn't Coming

I have no tree up.

I have no motivation to do it.

This weekend will mark one month since he's been gone.

I want to "keep" Christmas, but my heart isn't into it.

I know I should.

But I just can't seem to do it.

It hurts too much.

I can't stop crying. The stress has just transferred itself to different things, and truthfully, I'd rather be stressed out taking care of my father than being stressed out over all the things that I have to deal with now that he's gone.

Have I mentioned how empty and quiet our house is without him?

And its so hard when you have no one to talk to that understands. At least hospice has helped my mom, but they forgot that there were other caregivers for my dad, and our hearts are broken too, and we are all having trouble coping.

So really, it would be ok, if we skipped most of Christmas this year, right?

Hump Day Hunks

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I hope wherever you are now, you have found peace.

I hope the images of WWII that tormented you so much in your last days are gone.

I hope that you can see it in your heart to forgive me for all the times I lost patience with you, because now it is those little things that make me miss you the most. I would give almost anything to put you on "the bucket" again or get you a waffle "those round things."

I long to sit on a hospital bed with my arm around you. Because, Daddy, oh my dear sweet Daddy, I love you so much. I don't think I've ever known such pain or emptiness in my heart.


I wish God would have seen fit to let you wake up one last time before he took you from us, just so I would have known that you heard me say, "I love you."


I wish I hadn't wanted to do things so much when you were still with us, even though I never did them. I wanted such stupid things, like a trip to the mall or to a restaurant. I don't want those anymore. All I want, is something that I can't have. You. 

I wish the house wasn't so empty and quiet. Even in your sickness, you filled it with life. Oh Daddy, my Daddy. It is so hard to go on without you.


Love,

Andrea

What Happened To Mourning?

This world moves by at such a crazy pace that people seem to think you should finish grieving in a few short weeks.

My dad died on Nov 16th and that wound is still fresh.

If I could wear black everyday, I would.

What I don't understand are the people that say, "Well, you're moving on with your life now, right?"

WTF?

No.

In fact, right now, my life feels like it is at a total stand still. I don't know what to do with myself.  I spent the last 6 years taking care of my dad, though his health wasn't always bad in that time period. I went to the doctor with him, I stayed at the hospital with him, I knew what was going on.

That's gone, and I feel like I'm floating off to sea. I'm adrift, with no purpose at all.

The worst part is that all the little things that annoyed the hell out of me before, are what I miss the most right now.

My life is empty and its going to take more than a few weeks to make the pain go away. Anyone that thinks it should just disappear, has obviously never loved someone.

Hump Day Hunks

Sometimes you need pretty things to make you less depressed. Right now I need a lot of pretty things


Here are a few of my favorite things

I've been tripping out of old episodes of The Nanny on TVLand at 5 am. Charles Shaughnessy is still gorgeous. Heck Fran is too.

Benedict Cumberbatch....le sigh...and I'm still not sure why.

The world needs more Tom Hiddleston in it.

Stop Being Offended

It is that time of year again, when all you see is "Keep Christ in Christmas" and a whole lot of bruhaha over "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays."

People need to get a grip.

If someone says "Happy Holidays" they don't know if you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. It isn't supposed to be offensive, it is supposed to be all inclusive.

And if you really want to "Keep Christ in Christmas" start acting like Christians, and be more kind and giving to the poor and needy, rather than spending thousands on iPhones and TVs and other gadgets.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I'm not saying that getting nice presents is bad. I like a great gift as much as everyone else, but excess is not what Christmas is about. Oh and most of the stuff everyone enjoys about Christmas is more rooted in pagan-ism than Christianity.

Christmas should be more about family, then stuff anyway.

This shouldn't be a season that is as chaotic as it is. I've often wondered why we have holidays where we spend more time preparing then actually enjoying.

Like Thanksgiving.

You spend hours in the kitchen cooking a meal that you only enjoy for maybe an hour tops. The cook is usually exhausted when the last dish is done too.

But that's another rant all together.

Now stop being offended by everything and enjoy the next 30 days no matter what you celebrate, and be thankful for those that love you and raise a glass to those you love that aren't there anymore.