4 Months Ago

Today I find myself reliving the events of Nov 16, 2014.

It has been 4 months since my dad went home to God.

I like the sound of that better than "he died."

I want to believe he's in a better place waiting for us to join him. In a place where he can breath and chop wood and pull weeds without any issues.

I remember staying up all night on Nov 15, taking his temperature, knowing there wasn't much time left.

I remember one blissful second when I saw my father's eyes open, but he never really woke up.

I remember taking his blood pressure. Seeing how low it was and then how high.

I remember giving him a final bath with my sister-in-law.

I remember falling asleep for 10 fucking minutes...and then going to kiss him, only to find out he had gone.

Today, more than any day in the last 4 months, my mind has relived those last 48 hours, and everything hurts so much.

I don't think I'll ever get over his passing. I love my daddy so much. And there just wasn't enough time to tell him just how much.

I always felt safe with him in the house, even when he was sick. Now I'm scared of what lies ahead and I wish he were here to talk to or at least hold.

I've said this many times...life sucks without my daddy.