I Need To Rewire My Brain

Since my mom passed away I've become hyper vigilant about money.

I wish I could explain.

I always worry there won't be enough for when something goes wrong. (Because it always will.)

My credit cards seldom carry a balance, unless I have a financing option for a big ticket item.

I don't buy frivolous things...well except maybe skincare stuff, which I am addicted too.

The problem is when I want to buy something for me that's a larger ticket item, that isn't about my house, I feel guilty spending the money.

I really really want a new camera, but since I don't know what my house is going to cost me, above and beyond my payment from Allstate, I don't want to buy one, because I don't want debt.

Responsible?

Yes.

Sad?

Yes.

But somehow I have to figure out a way to let myself have some things that benefit just me and not the household in general.

I don't know how to get around this though.

Happy Father's Day

Though he's not here, I wish my daddy a happy father's day in heaven.

Today everyone is telling us why there dad is the best dad they could have, so I'll be no different.

He took care of us all, or tried, even as his health was failing.

This was the man that sat in the gyne's office with me when I had to have a procedure done and I was too scared to go alone.

This is the man, who when he was on hospice and still trying to get in trouble would have mom call me and say, his daughter would let him do whatever it is he wanted to do. (even though he couldn't)

I will always here his voice saying "my daughter." It is the best thing that I could be called.

This was the man who always tapped us on the head and said "go to bed," when he'd head up the stairs at an insanely early hour.

This is the man that loved to go out to eat, no matter where it was...McDonald's, a random Chinese or Mexican place, Kings, or Eat N' Park. He loved to go out.

He was stubborn.

He was loving.

He could make you absolutely insane at times,

But he was my daddy and I will love him forever.

Doing Something For Me

I've got stuff done, I've said that before.

Now I want to do something for me.

Why is that so dang hard?

I've spent a whole lot of time focusing on everyone else.

I work 13 hours many days and I come home late, and I make supper...Usually at 10 o'clock at night.

I'm super tired on those nights and on the nights I don't work I have to worry about either getting shopping done or picking someone up from work.

Never about me.

My life hasn't been about me for a long time. At least before, I had a purpose. Now my life is not mine and I have no purpose.

I've been doing things to make my house look pretty.

Now I want to do a few things for me.

Like maybe a new camera...

Or a daytrip somewhere.

I'm not saying I deserve it more than anyone, because everyone that works deserves a break every now and then..I'm just saying...I need something for me.

Checking Things Off My List

Its so exciting when you get stuff accomplished.

1. My new drapes are bought and up and look really great. One of the old pair actually was still in ok shape, so they are now in the hallway upstairs.

2. My front yard now has flower beds and pretty solar lights. I am so happy and 110 dollars later, the flowers are in and they look lovely!

The Battle of Mascara

I shared my review of these two mascaras on Facebook, but I'll add some more details here


I've had the chance to try both these popular mascaras thanks to IPSY.

Both are fabulous.

Lash next door retails at $18 while Liquid lash extensions retails ar $24.  So there's quite a price difference. Mind you, I'm not usually one to spend that much on mascara.

For me, I like Lash next door a little more. It lengthens while still looking natural.  Now mind you, I have longer lashes, but even though I have dark hair they aren't that well defined. They are also really straight.

Lash Next Door also come off a little easier of the two.

Liqiud lash extensions gives you a more glam look. Which is great for a night out. Sadly, I don't get any of those. The one other fab thing about liquid lash extensions is that the company is vegan and cruelty free and donates to women's charities.

Liquid Lash Extension wasn't as easy to remove for me. It also looks a little clumpy on. You really need to have a quick hand at applying. Also no second coat necessary. It really will make your eyes pop. So for me there was no question regarding whether or not it worked. It does. Its just not a look I'd go for on a daily basis.

I have a simple eye routine, since Covid-19 has me at minimal makeup because masks make me break out BADLY.

I have beigey multi-purpose eye crayon that I use in the corners of my eye, lining my eye and my brows and blending. It acts as a nice highlighter. I line my top lid with a liquid liner and then mascara.

So for me the more natural of the two products wins and that's Lash Next Door.

So if you are a budget conscious girly girl lash next door is the way to go.

Will June Be Better?

The last few weeks have been nothing but work.

To be honest between all of that and whats going on in our country right now...I just have no words.

I don't mean to be quiet about what's going on. I just don't have the adequate means to say how I feel and in some instances I don't feel I have the right to say anything except that I'm sad that hatred fills so many hearts in this country.

So I'm going to leave this youtube video here in hopes it warms some frozen hearts