A Few Days of Craziness

I had the last two days off of my second job, however an oversight caused me to spend those 2 days in a full blown panic attack.

See the schedule comes out around 3:30 on Wednesday afternoon and I only had 12.5 hours.

I almost died.

This is when I am almost on track to pay some bills off by the end of the year, or be close to it.

I need these hours to be able to afford to ..you know..EAT.

Until this morning I had no idea what was going on...as my supervisor was off and so was I.

I finally got to talk to her..and I should be back to some semi normal hours I hope once she looks at the schedule.

Oye vey.

I was so nervous..and was having full on panic attacks for almost 2 days.

Not fun.

I Need To Spend Some Quality Time With My House

I am exhausted.

Last week I tried to get some things done to declutter my living space. I only got half of it done.

Between the stuff going on with my porch and the roof..and working two jobs..and not having a real day off until this coming Sunday...I am ready to crack.

Hell, I still haven't had a chance to go to the laundromat. This is the longest I've gone when it comes to that in ages.

I am just so sick of everything right now.

Also I think I need a maid and a laundry service.


Sigh

Truth in One Cartoon

This is why I try to avoid the news anymore.  Its too painful anymore

Grieving

They say that the first year after the loss of a loved one is the hardest.

It will be 8 months since my mama left us on Monday.

Yes, this year has been hard. Very hard. There are times when I am not sure I want to go on.

I know that death is a part of life. I know that your parents don't live forever. I understand all of that, but it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't take the hurt away. It doesn't take that loneliness away.

It also makes other things hurt more.

In Nov, it will be 5 years since my dad passed. I think I had been quietly accepting that he was no longer with us, until Oct.

Now everything hurts so much more. 

I want them both back. I need their advice and guidance more now than I ever did.

I feel like I'm floating about in my life and I don't know how to live it anymore.

I wish I could describe the pain I feel right now. All I can say is that I feel like my heart is torn out of my body and crushed on the floor. I feel like half a person maybe even less.

Happy Birthday Sir Paul!

I can't fathom that Paul is 77 and that I've loved his music ALL OF MY LIFE. My first musical memories are of watching The Beatles cartoons.

My favorite song at age 5 was I'll Follow The Sun.

One of my first albums was Tug of War.

He is what I think when you say musical legend.

A Few Things

1. I am almost done with my 7 day stretch at Lowes and I am dead tired.

2. Finding easy meal options to make at 10 pm is in no way easy.

3. I just want to go somewhere and hide for a few days.

4. I want to take pictures but I have no days off, so I can't go anywhere.

5. I think one of my friends from work is going to cut and color my hair. Yay!

Grumbling

I spent the better part of last week miserable with a cough and no voice.

Then my brother in law's brother died.

Then the brother in law gets sick, and long story short there, I was scared he was going to land in the hospital.

The roof is having issues again, which could potentially screw up my getting the dining room table in August, like I hoped.

I'm just not a happy camper right now at all.

All I want is 8 hours of sleep at this point.

Beatley Ramblings Return

I really need to change the channel on my Sirius radio, but I can't get away from The Beatles.

Here are things that I've thought about the guys lately.

The reason the Beatles were different from just about every group at the time, and for the most part now is that there was an abundance of talent. John and Paul may have been the leaders in songwriting and vocals, but they gave everyone a chance to shine.

Whether or not they chose to admit it, John and Paul needed each other. Without the other their songs either slipped off into the weird and hypocrital (Im looking at you John)  to the sickeningly sweet ( uh Paul)

John always went for the more avant garde, but as George Harrison was quoted as saying that's French for bullshit. So yeah there are beautiful songs. Imagine is lovely and so is Mind Games, but when you start looking at the man that wrote them, and his actions, their sparkle gets a little tarnished. I've always felt its a bit ridiculous to hear a millionaire sing "Imagine no possessions." This came from the man who told David Bowie, "You bastard, you wish you had my money" jokingly at one point.

Paul was more a pop song writer. That's what he has always done best. Still, I find some of his better songs to have come from his collaboration with Elvis Costello, who has a little bit of Lennon's snark. I know I've said this over and over, but they really should have done a whole album together.

Back to Paul..I don't know why pop songs get dismissed. The early Beatles songs were just that. Why does music have to always be pushing the envelope. Why can't it just be fun? I mean I adore songs like Ballroom Dancing and My Brave Face. Music doesn't have to be deep and thoughtful, sometimes it just has to make you feel good.

I think that's why I like Ringo's stuff. It's pop..its fun..it doesn't take itself too seriously.

I want to talk about George but ahhhh George. I read an article that dissed most of his solo work other than Crackerbox Palace and All Things Must Pass.

I know I'm in the minority, but I loved Extra Texture. I also adored the 80s super strange flop, Gone Troppo. I also loved the self titled George Harrison album and Somewhere In England

Pollen Sucks

I've kind of been under the weather or under something or other for the last 4 days to varying degrees. Not feeling totally sick but feeling mostly miserable. Even more fun was waking up on Saturday to no voice when you have to work a 9 hour shift.

Speaking of that 9 hr shift. It wasn't in my usual area of the store, and I got bit up by mosquitoes while I was there.

Enter more misery.

Managed to make it through Sunday which was insanely busy, only to have to deal with Campy's Pizza who doesn't like to sell food when they are busy.

Seriously, I called for a carry out and they said..."well it will be 40 minutes."

Like, so? I still want my damn pizza.

Also..had to do laundry as well.

I totally hate the laundromat, but the work involved in getting a washer/drier in my home outweigh the misery of sitting there for 1.5 each week.

Yesterday I was just so damn tired, I don't know how I manage to make supper. I slept til 6 once I got home from work, then I made dinner and was out like a light for the rest of the night.

I'm still coughing my head off whenever I do too much, but mostly I feel more human today.