I Need To Vent

I am depressed.

My life started its downward spiral in 2008 when my grandmother passed away. After that it was dad's illness, and then his passing.

I've packed up the plantation and moved in the last year, still caring for my mother, who lives with me.

I haven't had a proper hair cut in months.

I don't wear makeup anymore, except for bb cream and sometimes lipstick.

I'm fat.

I don't like myself or my life.

My mother offers help financially while she can, but I don't want to take it, because I know at some point she won't be there, and I need to see what I can do on my own.

I'm terrified most of the time.

I used to have people to talk to, but they felt they couldn't share their problems with me, and now I don't want to share mine with them.

I'm lonely, miserable and frustrated.

I don't even feel like a human being anymore.

I feel like a lump.