People I Want To Punch In The Throat

The last two weeks have been hard. The holidays without my dad are really bleak, but we have to soldier on. Life goes on and all that bullcrap, even though the house feels so damn empty without him.

There's too much quiet.

Quiet that I once thought I wanted.

I was wrong.

I think I might almost sell my soul to have him back in the hospital bed calling for me or my nephew, Raymond for a Boost or to use the "bucket."

It doesn't help matters when some well meaning people send the wrong words in their sympathy cards. Please don't ever tell me that you are "saddened yet relieved that my father has gone home to be with God." I may want to punch you in the throat. I'm having a hard enough time with my faith, and an even harder time with people that are trying to sound compassionate, but come across as sounding foolish and insensitive.

Never ever ever tell someone that has lost a loved one that you are "relieved that they have gone to be with God." I will never ever ever be "relieved" that my father isn't with us anymore.

I've also seen family members beg for sympathy, but never once pick up the phone to call my mother. No one should be sorry for their loss. If you haven't visited or talked to my dad in 10 years or more, it isn't your freaking loss. It is our loss. He is our father, my mother's husband, I realize he's a relation to you, but you didn't lose anybody, we did.

Am I bitter?

Yes.

Am I cranky?

Hell yes!

Is my heart shattered into a million pieces?

There are no words, my friends. No words at all.

It is hard to blog with a broken heart

I'm trying to remember all the wonderful things about my father.

Here are some things everyone should know about him.

1. He was silly.

2. He was a great fix it man, hence our having Cheryl the Chevy, well into the 80s.

3. He was a loving and devoted husband.

4. His little girl loved him very much. (Bet you didn't guess that)

5. He was a animal lover and was the one that brought the first cat into the house

6. He served in the coast guard during WWII

There are so many things I want to say about him...from the time he left quarters on the floor of my room....daily...so I could buy my first CD player...to our trips out to eat. He loved the pot pie at Rock Bottom Brewery (he liked the beer too) and at Cheddars...He loved Starbucks coffee and dancing the polka. He loved Les Miserables, especially Master Of The House.

When I took him to his blood doctor, it was like a party. The nurses were so nice to him and he got to eat cookies and drink Pepsi or Boost and then we'd stop at Dairy Queen on the way home.

We did so much together,my dad and I. He took me on the Superdooperlooper at Hershey Park and the flume rides.

There are so many memories. So much love....and it hurts so bad to know that he's gone from me forever.

Taking care of him,wasn't always easy. I wasn't always pleasant, and neither was he..but he was my dad, and as he always said, I was his daughter.

And you just can't blog with a broken heart.

Oh Daddy, My Daddy

Today has been the saddest day of my life.

Andrew James Guy entered immortality at 2:10 pm.

He is preceded in death by father Wilmer Guy, mother Anna Armitage, brothers Raymond Guy, David Stanley Guy, Howard Dale Guy and sisters Margaret Heider and Bertha Aileen.

He is survived by his wife of 62 years, Emma Jame Guy. His three children; Rudy Guy, Debby Leech, and Andrea Guy; his two grandsons, Raymond Leech and Michael Leech and his four granddaughters, Melanie Moyer, Monica Shope, Ali Guy and Amanda Guy, and great grandchildren, Olivia Shope, Emma Shope, William Shope, Jake Moyer and Katie Moyer. And two dear friends, Ed and Cheryl Zippay.

Andrew served in the coast guard during WWII. He is a retiree of Corning Glass Works and Charleroi Area School District.

He was a loving and devoted husband, father and friend. He loved his pets. He loved fixing things and helping others.

He was a good man who will be sorely missed by all who knew him.

I'm AWOL

I think if it weren't for Facebook and its mindless games, that I'd totally leave the internet. I have nothing to blog about anymore.

There is no happy in my life and there can't be.

There is nothing worse than watching someone you love slowly fade away.

It is horrible and it totally makes me question my belief in god.

Why?

Because I was taught there's a merciful God out there, but if God had any mercy, this wouldn't be happening to my father right now.

I don't know what to think or feel right now.

I only know that I hope when my own time comes that it is swift and it isn't this slow progression that saps the person you love from you day by day, making you suffer the loss long before it happens.

I miss my daddy.

God is not merciful. God is cruel and heartless.

Hump Day Hunks

Let's have some prettiness to help us get through the week.

Too Hard To Blog

I wish I could say that things are getting better, but they aren't. It is too the point that you only have to be in our house for about 5 minutes and you are exhausted.

We're considering respite in hopes that we might regain some of our sanity, but we're worried about how it will affect dad's mental state, which is pretty fragile these days. There's not much lucidity.

It puts everyone on the edge, and if you don't live with it, you can't understand.

It makes us all feel like prisoners in our own home.

You can't relax.

I can't read when I'm at home.

I can barely think when I'm at home.

I need a rest. But my rest needs to be longer than 5 days.