More Adventures In Online Dating

 OK, firstly would love to get to a date.

Would love for one of these guys to hit dial on the phone instead of endless texts.

I realize speaking to a person requires effort and that's something most really do not want to put forth.

Granted there is one guy that I could probably text to forever because he's fun and has an illusion of adorableness I don't want to let go of.

But back to this one guy..we matched on 2 sites.

He's cute...he's younger..

And then starts the dirty talk.

Only not done well.

A little lesson guys.

If you are going to venture into the arena of dirty texting, which isn't quite sexting...do it well.

Because if you don't do it well..you end up like Dial A Dick...a'la Mrs. Brown's Boys. OK, at least Agnes got her Dial A Dick...

But again it helps to make your texting erm....stimulating.

Imagery guys.

Not vulgarity.

Don't write me a porno either. If I want that..I could find it on my own.

Oh and keep your willy to yourself, m'kay?

Online Dating Randomosity Part 2

 So in the middle of the night I heard my phone chime.

WTF

I think I managed to give the brush off to the one boy that kept tossing around the words nice and sexy. Please guys, if you want to talk dirty, talk dirty, don't say nice and sexy, cos it simply isn't? M'kay?

Someone matched with me.

Being 3 a.m and yeah I must be lonely as the Matchbox Twenty song goes...but still trying to sleep...I turned over.

Fast forward to 8 a.m ish and I decide to just say hello to the guy. Cos, why not?

OMG...I got his life story and how he wants to find the love of his life etc...etc..etc..

Uh ok, that's not how you start out talking to a girl/woman/potential date.

Firstly, I'm not on these sites looking for a husband.

I don't want one.

I'm 46....

I want someone to talk too...be friends with...other things...ya know...but marriage is not really on my mind. I mean if it happens that's wonderful, but its not really what I'm looking for.

Why?

Cos most men in my age range are divorced with crotch goblins, and I am so not good with children and I don't want to screw up someone else's kids. I'm responsible like that.

Don't tell me that you hope I'm your soul mate within 3 sentences. PLEASE.

God, oh can any guy shave these days?

Why I Think I Just Won't Swipe At All

 I've been mostly absent lately because I've been making an attempt in this pandemic to have a social life.

HAHAHA

I have made contact with several boys of varying ages....36 to 49.

I use the term boys because they all act that way. None like grown men.

49 year old we will call K..cos it suits him. 

Talked to him. 

Texted on a daily basis...

When it came to meeting up...he vanished, never to be heard from again. 

My guess...wife came back..

Next up...M a thirty something.

Was super flattering.

Like too flattering.

Questions asked weren't normal

I was hit by a dating bot?

WTF.

3rd one. P..Im still getting texts from this one.

If he carried on a normal conversation..well it would be nice

So far nice and sexy are in his vocabulary.

ARGH!

4th one...J.

Another thirty something.

Of the 4....I really really liked this one because well...he wasn't overly flirty or flattery..

We just kinda of randomly messaged...and from the start he wanted to meet for coffee and seemed ok with the age difference.  He was quirky and he seemed like even if we didn't hit it off on a romantic scale...we might be friends. 

AGAIN...we had normal texts, but as soon as it got close to meeting.

Guess what? He vanished. And like all BOYS wasn't going to tell me anything until the last minute.

Seriously guys! This is not how you hook up with anyone....try to date them or whatever. I realize I have been out of the dating game for a long time, but RESPECT, learn it.  Its not hard.

One other thing.

Try a little honesty. M'kay. It goes a long way.