I Will Not Cry

I've vowed to myself that even though I feel like letting the sea of tears issue forth, I won't.

Last year, I made a huge fool of myself. It's something I'm really good at. If you could have a doctorate in being a fool I'd have a PH.D.

I let myself go on with the foolishness for a year now, simply because I've always had a problem drawing away from things.

Today I learned how "not nice" the person in question was. Things that I was trying to convince myself about them that couldn't possibly be true, were.

Its defeating because this seems to be a pattern with me. I want people that either want me to be something different from what I am, or people that don't want me at all. (Or are otherwise unavailable)

Maybe I'm scared of being with someone that would have to know me and my family. Maybe I'm just not worthy of notice.

Right now I feel really small and I don't know what would pull me out of the funk, but I know one thing, I refuse to shed anymore tears over this person. They don't deserve them.

Random 10 - Week - 149

From Music Memoirs


10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)

Gordon Lightfoot - Race Among The Ruins
(I've been falling asleep a lot to this song lately)

Andy Bell/KD Lang - No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)
(Getting my exercise on to this one)

Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Distorted Angel
(This is quite possibly my favorite song from All This Useless Beauty)

Elvis Costello - Last Boat Leaving
(I listened to Spike last night before bed)

Pat Benatar - We Belong
(Woke up to this...will have it stuck in my head for ages as a result)

Steve Winwood - Back In The Highlife
(Heard him at Mad Mex yesterday not sure if that was the song, but it was the one that moved into my head afterwards)

Duran Duran - Skin Trade
(A song from the mp3 player)

Over The Rhine - If Nothing Else
(My favorite song right now)

Hem - Red Shoes
(Best Costello cover I've ever heard...well besides Nick Lowe's version of Indoor Fireworks)

Dolly Parton - Better Git To Livin
(Another favorite of mine right now)

And the picture? The cutest widdle car I ever did see

Keeping It Bottled Up

It's that time of year again. The time when the doctors conspire to take my one little week of vacation and make sure I don't get it for myself.

Both parents went to the cardiologist last Friday. Mum is good. Dad is good. Both of them need an electrocardiogram in the next month or so. My dad's is scheduled for April 25th. The reason for his, is that a section of his heart is much weaker than it should be and they are considering a defibrillator for him.

ARGH!

I just went through that last year with mum. It's an easy surgery, but one they only perform at Shadyside.

Which means it will be in my best interests to stay at the Marriot if that happens, meaning I can't even begin to think of a real vacation this year until after April 25th, just in case. My guess is that everything I need to do will have to be done on the weekends again. I hate that.

Atlantic City?

Nope not until the car. No matter how many dreams I have of seagulls and the ocean.

I haven't mentioned this here or on my LJ, because deep down I wish it would go away. I'm being spoiled and selfish about everything. But still, I wish that just once I'd be able to have my vacation time for me.

It Was A Long Day

Surprisingly I did get most of my to do list done. I even made a batch of brownies. I know how very domestic of me. I made them in the toaster oven too. Those things are marvelous, especially since the oven in our house is older than dirt.

The only thing I didn't get around to was fiddling with the mp3 player. I can't imagine why. Well, actually I can. It drives me bonkers, trying to go through files. I have loads of music on my computer and in my CD collection and what I listen to can change on a daily basis depending on my mood.

I discover a new artist and for a few weeks that's all I can listen to, then I find something else and that other artist fades into the background. Sometimes I even find them annoying and I start to wonder why I even liked them so much.

Sure there are staples that I can listen to at any given time, The Moodies, Elvis Costello, Gordon Lightfoot, etc.

So any time I decide to fiddle with the mp3 player's music library it becomes a trial. It's not so bad when I'm adding tv shows or video, just music. I feel guilty when I take stuff off and I hate not having my current obsessions on the damn thing. I think that's why I still have the little flash mp3 player for single playlists. It's not as complicated. I almost consider that my mix cd mp3 player. The other two are hard drive players at 4 GB and 30 GB. I really need an 80, but there are other more pressing needs in my life, like a new car.

So my guess is that I should stop whining and just start fiddling with the mp3 player.

Saturday To Do List

These are things I must do today, or else. I hate to do lists, by the way, because half the time I can't complete a damn thing on them.

1. Gym (I'm going in an hour)
2. Grocery shopping (The bane of my existence)
3. Find ear wipes or something for Mutchka's ear. I think he may have the beginnings of an infection and there's no way I can get him to the vet until next week. And truthfully I would prefer to not have to take him to the vet. The vet always gives me bad news.
4. Watch Who and Torchwood.
5. Charge camera batteries, and replace camera batteries in both Easyshares.

I think that's enough for one day.

Oh and fiddle with some of the tracks on my mp3 player. I've got duplicates and it's annoying.t

TV Ramblings

I watch Torchwood. I admit it. I'm slowly becoming a total Whovian. I finally watched Adrift and I have to say, I cried through the last 20 minutes of it. I hate when tv shows do that to me.

There's enough for me to cry about without me crying because of some stupid show, but dammit this episode was good. It was really really good.

A few weeks ago I caved and started hunting down the episodes that aired in the UK, because BBC America is about 3 maybe 4 weeks behind and I belong to several communities on Livejournal for the show, and frankly I hate hearing everyone talk about the episodes they've watched.

I have no patience. None.

I don't know that I'll be watching Doctor Who on Sci-Fi, because we'll be a month behind the UK on that one too.

I can't handle it. I need my favorite shows NOW! I don't care when or where they originate. I think it's grossly unfair that movies get different releases for different countries. (Same goes for music, but I won't go there) And with so much going on the internet, being a week or behind is damn painful!!!

But back to Adrift. Best. Episode. Ever. I can't believe I'm saying that considering that I don't care for Gwen Cooper and that was the character that the show focused on. But whoa! Go Gwen.

And seriously if you don't cry in the last 20 minutes at all, you have no heart. No heart whatsoever. Now I have to watch Fragments!!!!!!

Top 5 On Friday - Week 168

This week at Music Memoirs, we want to know:

Top 5 songs that you've loved the longest

1. The Beatles - I'll Follow The Sun
This was the first Beatles song I remember adoring. I used to watch The Beatles cartoons and that was the song that really got me started. I stole my brother's copy of Beatles '65 as a result.

2. The Monkees - Daydream Believer
Davy was my first musical crush. I was going to marry him when I was 5. He's single these days...I wonder if he would like a wife that's younger than most of his children?

3. George Harrison - Got My Mind Set On You
George was another of my youthful crushes. Oh the hell I put the guys at Camelot Music @ Century 3 Mall through when this album came out. Such a fun song too. (Even though George didn't write it)

4. The Moody Blues - Your Wildest Dreams
This is the song that started it all for me. If it weren't for this song there would have been no Atlantic City...there wouldn't have been a bizarre night in Cincinnati...no cold street corners in Youngstown. Damn this song to hell!!

5. Elvis Costello - Veronica
In 1989 I played my original Spike CD until it couldn't be played anymore. I loved that album. However I didn't rediscover the man until 2002 or 2003.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things that are keeping me sane until next week.

1. Torchwood episodes to watch on my mp3 player.

2. Knowing that I will have some money on Friday. Yay for payday!

3. Going to Phipps Conservatory to the Spring Flower Show!

4. That Hoops and Yoyo Easter Card that Moody Mistress sent me.

5. My computer, even though my internet has been wonky at home and at work in the last few days.

6. My adopted online mom from Chicago finally getting back to work. No more vacations for awhile mom! At least not at the same time as Fishy!

7. A few good books, including Alison Lurie's Only Children, which I'm enjoying right now.

8. New music by Swing Out Sister.



I can't wait to listen to this one.

9. Another Doctor Who episode I haven't seen on Saturday night!

10. John Barrowman covering Air Supply!! Clicky here to hear it.

11. And if that doesn't work; John Barrowman covering Carly Simon!!!

Clicky!!!!

12. Knowing I might be able to get tickets for NICK LOWE IN PITTSBURGH NEXT MONTH!

13. Revise number 12. I am going!!!!

Strawberry Milkshake Oreos!

As if my waistline needs anything else to help it expand! I went to Walmart on Monday to get a few things for my Gram, as she managed to get the cold I had last week, and passing through the food section I came across the new limited edition Oreos.

ARGH!

I don't usually like changes on perfection, and Oreos are one of nature's most perfect cookies (along with Samoas by the Little Brownie Bakery), but the strawberry creme is yummerific! (Take that Rachael Ray)

I hope they are around a for awhile, because I hate falling in love with something only to have it disappear a few weeks later.

Hmmm. That sounds like every relationship I've had in my life. Ah well, at least I can't be too traumatized by the loss of a cookie now can I?

So if you are a fan of Oreos and strawberry flavor well let me tell you, you're going to have a happy glass of milk if you find these cookies!

Hump Day! Thank God!

This horrid awful boring week is half over! Can I get a yippee skippy for that? I've had next to nothing to do at work. My two favorite people in the universe managed to get together and take time off at the same time. (I know they weren't conspiring together, but dang it feels that way)

I've come to truly despise (in the nicest way possible) anyone that has 3 weeks of vacation a year, while I'm stuck with one week that I have to break up so as to not have chaos reigning at the office.

~Big Sigh~

OK, now that I'm done feeling sorry for myself. It is hump day. And the only thing that can make me happy right now are a couple hunks all of which I miss terribly right now.



It wouldn't hurt for these guys to play somewhere near Pittsburgh, because I can't afford Atlantic City this year. (That alone is enough to make this girl cry)



Fishy's vacation needs to be over. How am I supposed to survive my mornings without him sounding like a goober for those first 2 hours of work? Huh? Come back, Fishy! 99.3 The Pickle sucks without you!

Tuesday Tunes - Week 26

From Music Memoirs


What is the most unusal band/artist's name that you can think of?
There are so many unusual ones really...I happen to think The Traveling Wilburys is really unusual especially as they didn't tour and they randomly picked the name Wilbury from I don't know where!


Can you name any songs that have an actual person's name in the title?
Weezer - Buddy Holly
Falco - Rock Me Amadeus
The Beatles - Roll Over Beethoven

A lot of artists have stage names, can you name at least one artist's real name? (You can do as many as you like)
Adam Ant - Stuart Goddard
Elvis Costello - Declan Patrick MacManus
Elton John - Reginald Dwight
Sting - Gordon Sumner

Costello's New Album

Russ posted about Elvis Costello's new album that will be out sometime in April-May of this year, called Momofuku.

Most of the world is wondering if it's a nod toward a trendy, can't get near the place, noodle bar in NYC. I'm just wondering where I'll be able to purchase it. He claims it will be a "VINYL" only release with a special code for a digital download included.

Well la-di-fucking-da, Mr. Costello. In the US of A most people do not own turntables anymore, let alone buy CDs. Surely the RIAA has appraised you of that fact. How in the hell do you expect people to buy vinyl for god sake!

I'm one of the few that does own a turntable, though. So there will be no bitching, at least too much, from me.

I did read that there is going to be a CD release in May, most likely to coincide with him going on the road with The Police, but still it would be nice to know where I can purchase the vinyl.

I've been to amazon and there's nothing. If the release date really is April 22 for that version, it's not going to be sold through the biggest online music seller. It's also not going to be sold on his website, because that's being reconstructed due to some argument he's apparently got with Universal Music. (Who doesn't have an argument with them?)

Ah well, I hope I'll be able to order this blasted album somewhere soon.

Random 10 - Week 148

From Music Memoirs


10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)

Gordon Lightfoot - Race Among The Ruins
Cut Copy - So Haunted
Seth Lakeman - John Lomas
Seth Lakeman - Farewell My Love
Dolly Parton - Better Git To Livin'
The Monkees - Look Down
Hem - The Pills Stopped Working
Murray Gold - Doctor Who Theme
Over The Rhine - If Nothing Else
The Monkees - Love To Love

And my picture? My Easter cake!

Another Monday

As I pull my tired butt out of bed to deal with a long and ridiculous spam email from Satan and a continuing argument with someone about why I won't vote for Barack Obama in the PA primary, or in fact ever. I have to say, I wish Easter were a holiday that we consider "real" in this country. You know, a day off, besides Sunday. I could really use a day off. I haven't had one since New Year's Day.

Worse still, two of the things that keep me sane during my work day are on vacation this week. My online mom is off until Thursday and the idiot DJ that keeps me sane from 8 - 10 a.m. is on vacation this week.

BLERGH!

Which means my week is going to be pure hell. I learned in the past year that I don't like radio. I just like Fishy. He amuses me. I'm probably going to sit in silence for the next 5 days or listen to WJPA, which isn't nearly amusing to me and is way too much news for me to handle at the top of every hour.

The only thing that's keeping me going this week is the temperatures that are slowly climbing into the 50s again. Yay! I might be able to put my sweaters away someday.

I hope I can dig up a lot of work to do today or life is going to be truly miserable.

Happy Easter!

A blessed and peaceful holiday to all of my blogging friends old and new.

I Caved

In an act of sheer lack of willpower, I went to the Over The Rhine website and pre-ordered the Live From Nowhere Vol 3. CD. It was $18, and that was $18 I really don't have, but I didn't want to risk not being able to get a copy.

I love Over The Rhine.

What I don't love is paying for a CD that I will get sometime in April.

PAH!

But after the day I had yesterday I felt I deserved something for my pain. And what would be better than a new CD. OK, I can think of loads of other things. That new dress, a trip to Atlantic City or Cincinnati to mention a few, but the CD will do just nicely, so I bought it.

Now I can't wait for it to arrive. I hope it's out at the beginning of April as opposed to the end of the month.

So for any other Over The Rhine people, go here and order your copy. I'm sure it will be great!

Nothing Good About This Friday

I realize that the suffering I endured throughout this day doesn't hold a candle to the sufferings of Christ, but let me tell you, I felt like they did, even though everything that happened was minor, it was just a lot of minor nuisances that made the day a major pain.

It started with the monthly visitor showing up 5 minutes before leaving for work. ARGH! 3 days early too. GAH!

I had a nice chat with Fishy for that 1.5 minutes that I can talk to him while requesting a song, unfortunately at no time during that minute and a half did he mention that he was going on vacation next week.

ARGH! I had an Easter present that I was taking to the station for him when I was picking up my DVD from Instant Winner Thursday. I left it with a receptionist...so hopefully he gets it when he gets back. If not, I hope the other guys and girls at the station like the chocolate egg and cadbury egg I left for him along with the two cds I burned for him.

Bubble burst.

I worked like mad to have something to give him today, only to be foiled by his vacation. I love to share the musical love with him, even though I know it makes me look like an ass, and it probably annoys the fuck out of him.

After that fiasco I went to exercise...almost lost my water there...GAH and just wasn't into it. Then did the grocery shopping. That was all well and good. Got everything on the list and a couple of other things I knew we'd need before I could get back to that particular store, get the total and it ends up that I have about $2 left to eat dinner on.

Head desk.

I knew I wasn't going to be home to eat with the family tonight, I planned on Quiznos and a Honey Latte from Starbucks.

Got the money situation sorted and went to Quiznos in Rostraver only to find a sign on the door saying they were closed until further notice due to electrical issues. I decided then and there not to attempt Starbucks because I might end up with hot coffee in my lap or something.

I went to Subway and got a veggie delight on flat bread and I don't think I'm leaving the house for 24 hours.

Top 5 On Friday - Week 167

From Music Memoirs:

Top 5 Cover Songs or Covers Albums

OK, let's see what I can come up with here...

Dolly Parton - Drives Me Crazy
This is the song done by The Fine Young Cannibals in the 80s. When I first heard her version I didn't recognize it. I was truly amused by it, because I never cared for the song at all, now I'm amused by it. Dolly also did a lovely version of Tracks of My Tears and Crimson & Clover which she performed with Tommy James. I can upload either if you like.

Diana Krall - Almost Blue
Absolutely gorgeous cover of her hubby's song.

Fountains Of Wayne - Baby One More Time
How do you make a song Britney sings good? Let someone else cover it. Fun Fun Fun.

Elvis Costello - Please Stay
This is a gorgeous cover of the Bacharach and David song. It's proof that Elvis can and will sing anything. Another favorite of mine is his cover of The Beatles You've Got To Hide Your Love Away.

Over The Rhine - Ruby Tuesday
I love this version. Actually I love most all songs by this band.

edit: My favorite 5 covers albums

Erasure - Other People's Songs
From Peter Gabriel to the Cockney Rebels and everything in between, however the best cover on this album is Everyday originally by Buddy Holly.


Elvis Costello - Kojak Variety
Elvis covers The Kinks, Bacharach and David and Dylan among others! This is one album, especially the Rhino remaster, that's not to be missed.


Dolly Parton - Those Were The Days
Dolly does her versions of some of the greatest songs of the 60's and 70's and makes them her own. A very unique version of Imagine appears on this album.


The Smithereens - Meet The Smithereens
A cover of every song on Meet The Beatles in the exact order and done superbly. Everyone should own this.


I'm sad to admit this but:

Barry Manillow - The Greatest Songs Of The Seventies
These are the songs of his decade, and yes, he redid Mandy for this album, but you only have to hear him do It Never Rains In Southern California, to know that he may be goofy, scary and a bit of everything in between, but he is a damn good voice in the world of adult contemporary schlep. And he's a damn site more tolerable than Clay Aiken!!!

To Make You Think

The economy and the election are the only things you hear about in the news. And its funny how the one thing that's doing the most to adversely affect the economy is seldom mentioned; Gas Prices. I don't see any candidate saying that they are going to help get the rising gas prices under control.

Rashbre said in the UK the prices are roughly $1.17 a liter. Think of that 2 liter bottle of Coke or Pepsi that we guzzle costing $9 instead of $1. And then think how fast we guzzle it. It's sobering. We use our cars that way. (Edited because I can't read my comments correctly)

This country has lost sight of mass transit. People don't commute via train. We go buy car or plane, both which use great quantities of fuel and we don't even think about it. And yes, trains use fuel too, but we have the rails in place and we're wasting them in so many areas.

Again I say a lot of this is our own fault. I'm part of the working poor. I make less than $20,000 a year. But before you tell me to go to the city or find a better job, I'm going to tell you that the median income for my home town is only $24,000 and for the City of Pittsburgh it's $28,000 with more than 20% living under the poverty level. So, before you say anything, there's not much better where I am. M'kay? Then do the math on a job commute versus having an additional $1 to my hourly rate or even $2. It doesn't make good sense. I'd kill a car. Pay more for fuel and end up making less.

Long commutes just take our disposable income down.

But in this country that doesn't seem to matter. Again we buy big vehicles. Every child must have a car at 16. (I was an odd ball, I didn't learn how to drive until I was 18) Every child has a cell phone attached to their bodies as soon as they can walk out the door. Oye! (Another reason not to have children in my book)

And we bitch when the price of other goods and services go up too. Well it seems to me if it costs more to ship it...the companies are going to pass that expense on to us. And they do. Even the post office. The price of a stamp will be going up again in a few short months.

And we still want everything. We want our vacations to Disney or the shore.

As I sit on my ass staring at the computer, because it's the only thing I can afford to do, right now, I ask all three candidates, how they are going to help with the cost of gasoline. Because Mr. McCain, Mrs. Clinton or Ms. Clinton, and Mr. (Anti-Christ) erm.. Mr. Obama. It's the cost of fuel that's causing the economy to slow down. DO SOMETHING! Oh and Mr. President, though I'm happy to accept that $300 you will be sending me but is it really going fix things?

Happiness Is A Good Book

I just finished reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. I can only say one thing. Go out and buy this novel. It is worth every penny. I usually don't enjoy my friend's book club selections, but this one was incredible.



Snow Flower is the laotong (old same) of Lilly a poor Chinese girl in the 19th century. The tale is spun by an 81 year old Lilly now Lady Lu, looking back on her life and her regrets.

In reading this, you catch a glimpse into a strange culture. You read of the girl's foot binding, which results in the death of one sister. You truly see how poorly women were treated, "useless branches" is how they are described over and over. You will also learn about the secret writing of nu shu that women used to communicate with away from the influence of men.

As you see the two girls grow into women you also see the two women switch statures. Lily marries well, but because Snow Flower's father had taken to the pipe, she marries as low as any Chinese girl could marry, a butcher. It is because of this life changing event that their long friendship begins to disintegrate and it almost dies altogether.

You will love both of the characters and share their joys and sorrows. I truly believe that you'll understand what motivates Lily towards the end of the novel when her relationship with Snow Flower is shaken. You will love with these two women. You will cry with them and you will give your forgiveness when the story is done.