Too Hard To Blog

I wish I could say that things are getting better, but they aren't. It is too the point that you only have to be in our house for about 5 minutes and you are exhausted.

We're considering respite in hopes that we might regain some of our sanity, but we're worried about how it will affect dad's mental state, which is pretty fragile these days. There's not much lucidity.

It puts everyone on the edge, and if you don't live with it, you can't understand.

It makes us all feel like prisoners in our own home.

You can't relax.

I can't read when I'm at home.

I can barely think when I'm at home.

I need a rest. But my rest needs to be longer than 5 days.

Diary Of An Exhausted Caregiver

Here are a few random things I've learned in the last few years taking care of my parents. It is something everyone should have in the back of their heads, unless they have shittons of money and can afford a personal nurse or a great assisted living home.

1. Wiping adult bums is a lot more painful than a baby's backside.

2. Heath Insurance companies are all asshats.

3. Hospice is not fun and some of the nurses are damn annoying. (Other nurses and aids are angels)

4. Check your life at the door, you won't have one for awhile. (There will be times when you feel guilty for wishing you had one)

5. No one  seems to understand what you are going through.

6. Sleep is a thing of the past.

7. It is never easy to deal with a loved one saying that they should be dead, when all you want is more time.

8. Your house will never be clean.

9. Your nerves will be shot.

10. Respite from caregiving is often not an option.

That said....I hope that none of you have to go through this. Watching a loved one in their last days, no matter if it is days, weeks or months....is a terrible thing to do.