Friday, January 18, 2019

Awaiting The Snow, Or Not

Well winter is ready to hit us hard.

Yesterday we had a little teaser system that made life sloppy as I left Job 1 for Job 2. Thankfully that wasn't too bad.

Saturday's snow is kinda scaring me, because I have to go to Job 2 at 12 o'clock. I don't want to lose my hours, so I hope Charleroi, is up on their game of cleaning the roads.

My other plans involve reading a few of these books to keep from going insane while the snow flies and maybe getting the house cleaned.




Here's hoping I can get some good pictures of the snow, if we get any worth mentioning.

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Music Hurts

I remember when music was the thing that kept me going. I still have CDs piling up, though I haven't bought much new music lately.

But when I put music on, I think of my mama, and the music on Pandora that we used to sing together, whether it was music that she loved back in the day or the songs I loved.

Now it all makes me want to cry.

I can't listen to anything.

All the music that I loved hurts me now.

I keep telling myself that things aren't as bad as I thought they might be, but its so damn hard. Everything makes me think of mama, and I miss her so badly.

I just want to find some joy somewhere, something to make me feel like its worth going on.

Monday, January 07, 2019

More Than Just A Housewife, More Than Just A Mother


I read an article on Glenn Close's speech from the Golden Globe Awards last night and she said something that made me think of my mother.

OK, I think about my mother a lot, but that's beside the point.

In Glenn's speech she recalled that her mother felt that she sublimated herself to her husband and that in her 80s she felt she hadn't accomplished something.

Well, my mother, who was in her 80s, accomplished much. Perhaps not great things that amass wealth, or things that will be written down in history books or any book, but my mother did things. She made a difference in people's lives. She accomplished things. I truly believe she knew she had a full life in her 84 years.

When she decided she wanted to be a girl scout leader, she'd tell people she always wanted to be a teacher.

That may have been the case, but like many young women growing up in the 1950s, she wanted one thing, and that was to have a husband. I can recall her telling me, she was glad she met my father, because she wasn't really enjoying college.

So she chose the role of the housewife, but she also found ways do the things she wanted to do, and perhaps part of that was because of the man she married.

See, my father wasn't the typical alpha male, though he could be, when he wanted to be. He was a help mate. He brought home the bacon, so to speak, but he would help with the dishes, and in later years, he did the shopping and other chores too. He was a good man. Yes, he was in the generation that wanted their wife home, with a meal on the table when he came home from work, but he let my mom spread her wings, even if it were to be a scout leader and later a CCD teacher. There was grumbling, to be sure, but he let her do it nonetheless.

So though she wasn't a school teacher, my mother touched the lives of countless children she taught or had the care of over the years, and as she found herself in the hospital more often, she learned that when some of her Brownies or CCD students remembered her years later.

She did what she wanted, though she got there in a round about way.

I loved hearing her stories, though in her last months she shared a little too much about her personal life with my dad. She was definitely more than the mother I saw her to be and the world is a dimmer place without her light shining in it.

Yes, Emma Jane Guy accomplished much!

Saturday, January 05, 2019

Redecorating?

No don't be judgy that I still have my tree up. I'm feeling a little blue about taking it down for one big reason.

I don't know what I can put in the spot that the tree is in.

My small couch used to be in that spot, until the hospital bed was taken out.

I don't want to think about that.

I just want to think about the fact that my living room is going to be very empty right now.

I have limited funds for the time being, but I'm looking for suggestions. I want the Christmas tree to occupy this spot every year for now on.

Please help?

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

Happy New Year!

2019 is upon us and really it can't be any worse than 2018

I don't usually do resolutions, but this year is really about a whole new chapter in my life, not a chapter I wanted, mind you, but one that I was forced to face.

This year, I want to do the following things:

1. I want use my camera more.

2. I want to make at least one small improvement to my house.

3. I want to see the places that I haven't been able to see in the last 8 years when I couldn't get away from my house.

4. I want to embrace my life, even though its damn hard living without my mama.