My Dog is Weird.

I just have to share this photo everywhere, because its so darn cute.

My little Scratty is so not right!

But she's also so sweet, at least to us  and she does the weirdest things, like bury herself under the blankets...or stealing one of Mokey's cans of Royal Canin so she can guard it all day long, growling at anyone that happens by.

Yup, she's weird. Very weird indeed.

So Angry I Can Spit

My lawn care guy up and quit on me.  I knew he was getting married, but I had spoken to him about a month ago and it seemed like things were on track.

Yesterday I sent him a text to see if we were on schedule for this week. I knew he had a 3 week honeymoon. (It must be freaking nice) He responded late, he wasn't doing grass cutting this year..and maybe my boss' son or a neighbor kid could do it.

WTF!

Seriously, I always liked this guy. He was kind and seemed smart. But no joke, this is not how you treat someone. He could have at least done one week.

My lawn looks like shit right now, because I was expecting it to be done this week and because of the monsoon like weather we were having.

Thankfully my brother in law will be able to do my lawn, because otherwise I'd be screwed.

Also this guy was the one that was going to look at my bathroom for me to see if doing the wall surround was a viable option..so yeah, I'm doubly screwed.

Further Proof That Walmart Is The Devil's Doing

I avoid Walmart as much as I possibly can, but there are some things I can't get anywhere else. My Pledge Revive It is one of them.

I usually make a trip there once or maybe twice a month, usually when I work a close shift at Lowes, because I like to be at Walmart during their off times.

Well...screw that.

I went last Sunday night after my shift ended for a grocery order.

It was peaceful there. I didn't have to recite my "Its not polite to kill people," mantra.

Until I went to check out.

They had speedy check outs for 12 items or less..the rest of us were stuck with Self Check Out.

Self CHECK OUT!!

Now pardon me if this sounds dumb, but wouldn't it make more sense to have 2 regular registers open, because self check out is much easier when you are buying fewer items not when you are buying your weekly grocery order.

To which I say ...fucking Walmart!

Whatever Happened to Family Sitcoms?

If you watch a lot of classic tv and hang around the channel's message boards/Facebook pages etc, you'll see a lot of people bemoaning the lack of good tv.

Well there is good tv out there, you just have to look for it, but really the family sitcom seems to be a thing of the past. The Middle was really the only show in recent years on the major networks that the whole family could watch. It was also good in the way that you didn't have a "smart mom" and "stupid dad" thing going on..or even better...the goofy looking dad and the "hot mom."  It kind of falls under the Leonard and Penny thing from Big Bang Theory. How does a goofy looking smart guy get a girl like Penny, even when THE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON.  Sorry, that whole dynamic has always bugged me, especially when Howard and Sheldon both end up with equally smart partners.

Early sitcoms had parents at least on equal footing or absent parents..because the dad's were always widowers. The family sitcom starting dying in the 90s, after The Cosby Show ended its run. Sure shows like Full House, Family Matters and of course Home Improvement lasted well into the 90s..and later Boy Meets World..but the amount of shows with family being a central figure...and without sex being the premise of almost every episode, has faded into obscurity, especially if you don't watch cable.

Its really a sad sorry shame that this type of programming can't make a comeback.

What's your favorite family sitcom?

Oh and as an aside, Disney really did the best sitcoms in recent years, like Good Luck Charlie (which my dad loved) and The Wizards of Waverly Place.

So Many Tears

I think the only thing anyone can talk about right now is the horrific fire at Notre Dame. I remember seeing the first reports yesterday and thinking, please, let them get it out quickly.

Then please let it be saved.

Then I saw the tweet that the POTUS made...and I grew angry, because that man has not a single once of compassion in his entire body. He should have a handler and that handler should take his phone and crush it into thousands of tiny pieces to save him, and the rest of the country from any further embarrassment his tweeting self can cause.

My next thoughts were for the French people..This is history that was being destroyed. History that survived many wars, but was felled by fire.

My tears are for them, because modern materials can't hold a candle to what was build 800 years ago. Its unbelievable.

Then I saw the people of Paris singing Ave Maria, and I had hope, hope for my faith, hope for humanity.

In grief and tragedy, hope will always find a way to shine.

I know I will never see Notre Dame in my life, but it is important to so many people and the world...So glad that in the light of day, though the destruction was vast...it wasn't complete.

I've Made Progress

I've accomplished quite a bit this weekend, and considering I've not got a single day off from here to the end of the month, that is an amazing thing.

I have my dining room floor (aka the floor from hell) looking more like a floor. Hopefully by Saturday night, it will be more tolerable, so I won't be ashamed to have people in my house on Easter Sunday.

I have everything needed for Easter dinner and my house is nicely decorated.

I donated extra throw blankets to a local animal rescue.

Heck I even got 2 things for me! I got a spare pair of shoes for work and a paperback! Woo to the hoo!

Oh and on the financial front, 2 bills are paid off. Now to really start focusing on paying down one more credit card, because this year there are things I need to get for the holidays, like a new Christmas tree and more importantly a new dining room table, unless there is someone out there that could work a miracle on my old one.

Busy Busy Busy

I've been work...

And I'll be working for the rest of the month.

But Wednesday when I had the time, I got some of my early spring flowers in. Aren't they adorable?

I'm Mad As Hell

I have always have a dysfunctional family. I don't mean that in a bad way, really, I just mean we all have messed up lives.

My mother did her best to hold us together and I became head chef of our little household when she couldn't.

I'm still head chef of the "Guy" family.

I've been working 2 jobs since Christmas. Its not fun, though I like most of the people I work with at job 2.

I'm tired all the time and I'm trying to keep up with as much as I can.

No one in my house does much to help.

I ask one to run the sweeper in their room, because one cat likes to leave crime scene fur marks on the carpet..does he do it?

Will he dust his room?

HELL NO.

I feed him. I get his allergy meds...etc...and he lives in my HOUSE. He is not my child.

He helps clean up after the animals...garbage and puts dishes away.

Anything else, is like pulling teeth.

Then there's my sister, who got herself into a SITUATION.

I feed her every night. Heck, I make sure there's peanut butter at least, in case she needs lunch. She's working 2 jobs until Sunday, when her better paying job starts.

Its only been 5 months since mom has been gone.  I don't want to alienate family, but I'm not anyone's mother, or caretaker.

I don't mind feeding people, when I have to cook.

I just wish cups weren't left on my counters that are dirty or on other furniture....or if just once someone would freaking do a dish besides me. Working 12.5 hours at least 4 days a week is not fun and yes, I'm complaining but only because NO ONE IS HELPING ME with some little things.

Daddy's Birthday

Yesterday would have been my daddy's 93rd birthday. It will be 5 years that he's been gone come November and though it is getting easier, these days hurt, especially since it is the first birthday of his without mommy too.

I think a lot about both of them.

So many of my memories involve food.

I made chicken fried rice yesterday and we talked about how he'd put "the red stuff" on it. The red stuff being the sweet and sour sauce. He loved that so much and when we got Chinese takeout it would go on just about anything, and he loved his sweet and sour chicken.

I can still tell you some of his favorite restaurant meals.

If you went to Cracker Barrel, he'd always get the sampler platter so he could get the ham and the chicken and dumplin's. If we went somewhere that had chicken pot pie, like Rock Bottom Brewery or Cheddars, he'd try to lick the plate clean.

Daddy enjoyed his food.

Oh and he loved the beer at Rock Bottom too.

I wish I could cook him one more meal that he'd enjoy...or take him to dinner one more time.

Its the one thing I've learned in the last 5 years. There's never ever enough time, and no matter what, no matter how you hate seeing someone you love sick, or how their illness takes away "them" NEVER EVER EVER stop telling them how much you love them, because one day you won't be able to do that, because they'll be gone.

Happier News

Back to the joys of budgeting.

1. Aldi dog food = $20 savings over the pedigree and cesar wet food Scratty eats. The cats also love the salmon wet food too which is 35 cents over the 55 to 65 cents for friskies.

2. The water bill went down 10 bucks! Woo hoo!

3. I'm learning the joys of dicing potatoes. A bag of o'brien potatoes costs $1.65 frozen at Aldi, but a 10 lb bag of potatoes is $3.49. 4 large potatoes diced makes a lot of o'brien potatoes for a side dish or for fritattas!

4. I've learned I only go shopping on a day where I've worked in Belle Vernon, thus saving money on gas. (At least when possible)

5. I am transitioning the cats back from 4health grain free to the regular 4health food. Its a dollar savings per bag, but each bag also has 2 lbs more food.

6. I'm still having issues with food for my damn lunches. I keep my nephew fed, but when it comes to me, if we don't have leftovers, I'm useless at figuring things out, especially if I'm working both jobs. I'm also trying to cut down on the trips to the fast food restaurants because I'm trying to cut back on my spending there. On a plus I think I'm losing weight, so there is that. Except I can't afford new clothes.

Budgeting Sucks

I am seriously so organized with things its crazy. One of my budget issues is pet food. At least when it comes to the little doggie and the canned cat food that my non-prescription eating cats get.

My kitties get one can a day..for the most part..but I'd say I buy about 40 cans per month. They love the food at Aldi and its very reasonable too. They get 4Health grain free from Tractor Supply for their dry food, which is about as cheap as it gets. $22.99 for an 18 lb bag.

Scratty loves Aldi's Heart to Tail that is comparable to Cesar and again, the price is right, however I don't get to Aldi as often as I used to. 49 cents for her little pans of food.

When you work 60+ hours a week, you try to budget your time. I like to be home sometime so I do my shopping when I'm in my area of work, because that's where a lot of the grocery stores are. I like buying my pet food all in one place so I know I'm not overspending but because its at Aldi I can't do that. The food gets lumped in with my food budget and then I get so confused.

I was thinking of doing a monthly buy at Chewy, but its not cost effective for either pet. Also Pet Supplies Plus hasn't been doing as many sales on Friskies..so when cans of wet food are only 35 cents..well...they get that.

Its this kind of thing that makes me nervous and worry and that wrecks my down time, which I don't have much of these days. I think its the money issues that make my grief so much stronger, because I don't have anyone to talk to about these things.

I just get so frustrated and I want my babies happy and healthy.

My Zen Lives

The weirdest thing happened today.

I saw my Zen Micro (the mp3 player) was turned off. It hasn't been charging well since long before mommy passed away, so that's going on 5 months now. I flipped its switch and saw it boot up..and I thought, good, it will at least get a little charge on.

I went and sat down at my computer and suddenly I could hear music coming from the earbuds across the room.

I went over and checked.

IT WAS FULLY CHARGED

I have absolutely no idea what changed that made the battery spring to life, but it did.

Woo hoo!

I love that old mp3 player so much!

I Survived The Facebook Outage

I don't know how I did, but I did.

How did we as a society come so far as to be reliant on such a horrible site?

I use it to connect with authors and learn about books and play mindless games. Oh and occasionally find a recipe or two. 

If I use it for anything else..and if I read comments on recipes I tend to want to explode.

How did we ever survive before Facebook?

I'm pretty sure we did it well...and I'm pretty sure we had more friends, because we might not have known all their political leanings, which these days causes a lot of anguish for most people.

I'm pretty sure we'd all be better off if the whole dang site just went away. 

Work Work Work

I think that work is all I do anymore. If I'm not at my day job, I'm at Lowes. I wish I could say that I was getting somewhere, but thanks to the new, used car, I'm getting nowhere fast.

All I want is to go somewhere...

To see something...

To put one of my cameras to good use.

Its been so long since I saw something new or just pretty.

Its bad enough right now I feel guilty if I want to do something for me because there's just so much that needs done or if I want to go somewhere because I've already budgeted in what I should be spending on gas for the month.

I don't know why I bother.

I'm Plagued By Dreams

Any time I have a dream I can remember one of my parents were in it in some way or another. Last night I dreamed that my nephew, Michael, found a photo collage of mommy and I, meeting Michael Crawford. You know, the hunky guy that played Phantom?

Needless to say, that wasn't a real thing, but I could see those photos in my head, like they really existed. I could see mommy and I standing with Michael. Again, it never happened, but I think there was a time when we both wished it would have.

At least part of me knows why my head is coming up with these things. Yesterday I was desperate to listen to music, but as I went to Youtube to find something, because I don't keep much music on my computer anymore, all I could find were videos of artists mommy and I listened to on Pandora and I ❤ Radio in her last year.  I just can't listen to that anymore, as much as I love it. It makes me cry, and I am so sick of crying. I do it most every day for some reason or another relating back to mommy.

I miss her so very much.

Another Weird Dream

Last week I had several dreams with my daddy in them. They all revolved around the car and buying the car.

I dreamed about my mother last night. We were walking down 5th ST hill in my town, something she hadn't done in years. We talked about her illness and she knew she was dying. I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital as we walked, and she said no.

I told her, I wasn't going to leave her. I wouldn't let go. Not this time. I wouldn't do it.

See back in Oct, I went to work on the day she passed and I didn't make it home. She was gone before I could get there.

My heart hurts so much because of this.  Yet, my mom was gone that morning, before I said goodbye for work.  I know it, but I will forever feel guilty about going in that day, when I could have held her hand and kept telling her how much I love her.

I could never tell her I loved her enough. She was the most important person in my life...and now she's gone.

Meet Seraphina Soul

She's a 2011 Kia Soul. I really like her, but she's going to be the reason I'm eating a lot of Ramen for the time being. She's tiny but very roomy and her owners were very good to her.

Struggling With My Faith

For many years I've had issues with organized religion. I know I'm not the only one. I'm not a fallen away Catholic, though I probably was for awhile.

When my mother passed away in Oct, I returned to the church. The new priests were welcoming and kind. I wish they had been there when my father was sick and dying.  That was the one thing that pushed me away. We had a priest that just didn't minister to the sick as well as I would have liked, and didn't offer comfort when dad was gone.

In fact, the deaths of both my parents make me feel like I've been left to flounder when it comes to religion.  I know I had a stronger than usual bond with my parents. They were my life. Words cannot express how much I miss them and still need them in my life.

I've received nothing from hospice to deal with my grief, and really nothing from my parish either, though when we have one priest, he always asks how I'm doing, so there's that.

Today we had Father Pat, who I jokingly, behind his back call Father Lurch. You'd have to see him. He's a big hulking guy, who reminds me of the butler for the Addams Family. You know, Lurch.

But back to my story. He talked about when his mother passed away several years back and how he was sad and joyful. Sad that his mother had died but joyful that she was with the Lord.

I am not joyful. I am not comforted by the thought that my mother is in heaven.

I am selfish. I still need her desperately. I need her advice. I need her to argue with. I need her hugs. I need her presence.

There is no way I have any bit of joy, that's faith based in my mother's passing, or my father's for that matter, even though he's been gone over 4 years.

I want to find comfort that they are with God, but I can't. I struggle with that. I believe that there's something more. I hope there is something more, because if there isn't, so many lives are just wasted.

I wish I could grow in my faith...but I fear I will always have doubts.

The Week From Hell

My life has turned to crap since my mother passed away.

I'll blame her because she's not here to defend herself..

But seriously, between the issues with the house and the cat dying...guess what else has hit me.

I need a new vehicle.

Yeah..like ASAP.

Well maybe not ASAP but by March 31, when my state inspection runs out. I passed emissions, but the body on my Focus is shot and it won't pass inspection.

So I'm off today to start looking. I have my eye on a 2012 Kia Soul that has low mileage and a decent price tag. I know nothing about car buying, so I'm prepared to be taken advantage of.

This has not been my day, week, month or year.

RIP Gumdrop

My sweet Gumdrop passed away Saturday night.

I can only say that I am totally devastated.

I love my kitties all very much, but she touched the hearts of everyone who met her both human and animal alike.

She was in my life for nearly 11 years. We rescued her in July of 2008 and she was around three at the time.

Fly with the angels to mommy and daddy and all the furbabies that passed before you.

Until we meet again my sweet girl.