A Few Days of Craziness

I had the last two days off of my second job, however an oversight caused me to spend those 2 days in a full blown panic attack.

See the schedule comes out around 3:30 on Wednesday afternoon and I only had 12.5 hours.

I almost died.

This is when I am almost on track to pay some bills off by the end of the year, or be close to it.

I need these hours to be able to afford to ..you know..EAT.

Until this morning I had no idea what was going on...as my supervisor was off and so was I.

I finally got to talk to her..and I should be back to some semi normal hours I hope once she looks at the schedule.

Oye vey.

I was so nervous..and was having full on panic attacks for almost 2 days.

Not fun.

I Need To Spend Some Quality Time With My House

I am exhausted.

Last week I tried to get some things done to declutter my living space. I only got half of it done.

Between the stuff going on with my porch and the roof..and working two jobs..and not having a real day off until this coming Sunday...I am ready to crack.

Hell, I still haven't had a chance to go to the laundromat. This is the longest I've gone when it comes to that in ages.

I am just so sick of everything right now.

Also I think I need a maid and a laundry service.


Sigh

Truth in One Cartoon

This is why I try to avoid the news anymore.  Its too painful anymore

Grieving

They say that the first year after the loss of a loved one is the hardest.

It will be 8 months since my mama left us on Monday.

Yes, this year has been hard. Very hard. There are times when I am not sure I want to go on.

I know that death is a part of life. I know that your parents don't live forever. I understand all of that, but it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't take the hurt away. It doesn't take that loneliness away.

It also makes other things hurt more.

In Nov, it will be 5 years since my dad passed. I think I had been quietly accepting that he was no longer with us, until Oct.

Now everything hurts so much more. 

I want them both back. I need their advice and guidance more now than I ever did.

I feel like I'm floating about in my life and I don't know how to live it anymore.

I wish I could describe the pain I feel right now. All I can say is that I feel like my heart is torn out of my body and crushed on the floor. I feel like half a person maybe even less.

Happy Birthday Sir Paul!

I can't fathom that Paul is 77 and that I've loved his music ALL OF MY LIFE. My first musical memories are of watching The Beatles cartoons.

My favorite song at age 5 was I'll Follow The Sun.

One of my first albums was Tug of War.

He is what I think when you say musical legend.

A Few Things

1. I am almost done with my 7 day stretch at Lowes and I am dead tired.

2. Finding easy meal options to make at 10 pm is in no way easy.

3. I just want to go somewhere and hide for a few days.

4. I want to take pictures but I have no days off, so I can't go anywhere.

5. I think one of my friends from work is going to cut and color my hair. Yay!

Grumbling

I spent the better part of last week miserable with a cough and no voice.

Then my brother in law's brother died.

Then the brother in law gets sick, and long story short there, I was scared he was going to land in the hospital.

The roof is having issues again, which could potentially screw up my getting the dining room table in August, like I hoped.

I'm just not a happy camper right now at all.

All I want is 8 hours of sleep at this point.

Beatley Ramblings Return

I really need to change the channel on my Sirius radio, but I can't get away from The Beatles.

Here are things that I've thought about the guys lately.

The reason the Beatles were different from just about every group at the time, and for the most part now is that there was an abundance of talent. John and Paul may have been the leaders in songwriting and vocals, but they gave everyone a chance to shine.

Whether or not they chose to admit it, John and Paul needed each other. Without the other their songs either slipped off into the weird and hypocrital (Im looking at you John)  to the sickeningly sweet ( uh Paul)

John always went for the more avant garde, but as George Harrison was quoted as saying that's French for bullshit. So yeah there are beautiful songs. Imagine is lovely and so is Mind Games, but when you start looking at the man that wrote them, and his actions, their sparkle gets a little tarnished. I've always felt its a bit ridiculous to hear a millionaire sing "Imagine no possessions." This came from the man who told David Bowie, "You bastard, you wish you had my money" jokingly at one point.

Paul was more a pop song writer. That's what he has always done best. Still, I find some of his better songs to have come from his collaboration with Elvis Costello, who has a little bit of Lennon's snark. I know I've said this over and over, but they really should have done a whole album together.

Back to Paul..I don't know why pop songs get dismissed. The early Beatles songs were just that. Why does music have to always be pushing the envelope. Why can't it just be fun? I mean I adore songs like Ballroom Dancing and My Brave Face. Music doesn't have to be deep and thoughtful, sometimes it just has to make you feel good.

I think that's why I like Ringo's stuff. It's pop..its fun..it doesn't take itself too seriously.

I want to talk about George but ahhhh George. I read an article that dissed most of his solo work other than Crackerbox Palace and All Things Must Pass.

I know I'm in the minority, but I loved Extra Texture. I also adored the 80s super strange flop, Gone Troppo. I also loved the self titled George Harrison album and Somewhere In England

Pollen Sucks

I've kind of been under the weather or under something or other for the last 4 days to varying degrees. Not feeling totally sick but feeling mostly miserable. Even more fun was waking up on Saturday to no voice when you have to work a 9 hour shift.

Speaking of that 9 hr shift. It wasn't in my usual area of the store, and I got bit up by mosquitoes while I was there.

Enter more misery.

Managed to make it through Sunday which was insanely busy, only to have to deal with Campy's Pizza who doesn't like to sell food when they are busy.

Seriously, I called for a carry out and they said..."well it will be 40 minutes."

Like, so? I still want my damn pizza.

Also..had to do laundry as well.

I totally hate the laundromat, but the work involved in getting a washer/drier in my home outweigh the misery of sitting there for 1.5 each week.

Yesterday I was just so damn tired, I don't know how I manage to make supper. I slept til 6 once I got home from work, then I made dinner and was out like a light for the rest of the night.

I'm still coughing my head off whenever I do too much, but mostly I feel more human today.

The End of May

My accomplishments for May

Paid extra on my credit card.

Put away twice what I planned to save this month

Got to go to Phipps and Trax and even Mingo Park on my 2 days off.

Decreased my food waste.

Got my dining room floor to an almost good status.

See I accomplished much!

Trax and Mingo

I got to 2 of my favorite places over the weekend, Trax Farms and Mingo Park.

I bought some lovely zinnia's for the back yard and some yummy food. Oh and I bought WINE! I also got to see my favorite covered bridge, The Henry.

See! I even have visual proof that I was at the Henry!

I love taking flower pictures, but you'll have to head over to my flickr page to have a look at those. I'm actually really excited that I've already updated flickr a few times this year. Most are from my phone, but the big updates were from my Nikon, which is super happy to be used!

Go to my flickr here

I have a plan and I'm sticking to it.

I'm making headway with life right now, and I'm kind of proud of myself.

I have started saving towards the new dining room table that I want. I've also made a dent in the one credit card bill that I have. My goal is to have the card paid off by the end of the year, or close too it, because I know that my hours at Lowes will be cut then. I want to have a bit of a safety net by not having that credit card bill over my head.

I'm also learning that my store cards only get minimal use, that way I don't have to worry about excess bills at the end of each month.

I'm getting there.

Its hard.

But I'm doing it.

I Survived Pittsburgh

We decided to give Phipps a try yesterday.

A few things.

1. After 10 years its hard to remember, the second turn off in Schneley Park is for Phipps. Note...read the banner signs they help. Yeah..that took a half hour to get back and find parking, as I said, with graduation and the gorgeous day it was makes for NO FREAKING PARKING

2. Phipps is getting way expensive and though Van Gogh In Bloom was beautiful, they were more creative in using their themes when I was a little girl. It's $17.95 there and it only takes about an hour or 2 of your time. If you drive to Philly and go to Longwood Gardens it's $23, but you'll need most of the day to appreciate the beauty.

3. I still think the Cathedral of Learning is one of the best buildings in Pittsburgh

4. How did I forget that the Panther Hollow Bridge is a "lock" bridge

5.  I totally want to eat at The Porch one day when I have some spare cash.

6. Chulily Glass is still amusing

Plans Going Awry

Every time I think I am going to go somewhere with my camera, something goes wrong.

I thought I'd get to Phipps this weekend.

Nope!

At least I don't think so.

Its commencement weekend at CMU, which is basically where Phipps Conservatory is located.

All I want to do is take some pretty pictures of flowers? Or something?

Why is it when I think I might get a chance at using my camera, things get all screwed up?

Grrrr

Beatle-y Ramblings

This is what happens when you subscribe to SiriusXM and only listen to The Beatles channel.

I have been doing a lot of reading on The Beatles again. I seriously need to stop this. It is bad for my health!

One thing that comes to mind with the demise of the Lennon/McCartney songwriting partnership is that Paul didn't try to find someone to write with until the 80s when he wrote with Elvis Costello. Then I start wondering again, why they didn't do more writing together.

If you listen to the collaborations on Flowers in the Dirt, Spike and Mighty Like a Rose, you'll hear a very Beatle-y vibe to those McCartney/MacManus tunes. They were good. Damn good! Some poppy and some dark. It really felt like Paul had found another foil in Elvis.

Listening to Paul's solo music and music with Wings you'll see, Paul's songwriting is often erratic, truthfully, John's was too, though he wasn't as prolific and then his life was cut short, so we really can't judge him.

Paul's music has always been pop and I think that's why, even though it can be obnoxious, Silly Love Songs is the perfect unapologetic tune. This is what he writes and what he's good at. He's also good at just plain silly, with songs like Uncle Albert and Ballroom Dancing. There's a big child lurking in Paul, I think.

George's writing is more consistent, but I think that's because, George seldom had writing partners. His music was him, warts and all. Sure he could be silly, but it was more dry humor when it comes to George's music, whereas Paul's songwriting was more simple

A Tale of a Child And Her Ravioli

I was heating up my can of ravioli for lunch today. Not the Chef, the Aldi version, and I got hit with a memory from a summer long gone.

I think I was 5 or 6 when our family vacation included a trip to Niagara Falls, NY.  Its the only time I've been to the falls. I've gone across the rainbow bridge one other time in my senior year of high school, but that summer was the only time I've seen the falls.

We were on the Canadian side, because that's really the best view of the falls, and we were going to have lunch or dinner or something. The places was absolutely beautiful. Even 40 years gone, I remember that. I knew this was a fancy special place.

We looked at the menu and I saw ravioli.

I'm a kid...so this is fabulous! Something I like that isn't a hot dog!

Then it comes.

And it isn't Chef-Boyardee.

Can you imagine how disappointed I was. It tasted nothing like what I was used to.

Needless to say, I didn't eat it, and mom and dad probably wanted to kill me because this was back in the day before microwaves were in everyone's motel rooms.

I have flashbacks even now of that day when I open a can, even though I love "real" ravioli much more these days.

Happy Mother's Day

 To all the mother's out there,  I wish you a good day.

My two ladies are both gone.

Mama, and grandmama, I love you so much. I've said it so many times.

If only there could be one more day. I would make sure you both knew how much love I have for you. Mama, I know you knew it...Grandma I know you did too, but I always feel bad that life kept me from you so much.

There is never ever enough time

Feeling Beatle-y

When I bought my little Kia, it came with a trial subscription to Sirius radio. I didn't know this until about 4 weeks ago when they started reminding me that it was about to expire.

Well that's when I discovered The Beatles channel.

ARGH!

I've been listening to it non-stop for all that time.

Which also means I was learning more about the guys than I did before. See when I was at the height of my Beatle-y fangirlishness, I didn't have the internet, so a lot of the guys lives were a mystery to me.

Not anymore.

So...all of them where manwhores, especially George. (sigh)

John was a manwhore and a jackass. The more I read about him and his treatment of Cyn and Julian makes me want to bitchslap him.

I always thought Jane Asher chose her career over Paul. hahahahaha...she came home and found him in bed with another woman. And he had little bits on the side up until he married Linda, which makes me wonder how she kept him on the straight and narrow.

I guess I learn something new every day and likely I'm not going to like it.

I Got Out Of PA

Ok, only for a few hours, but I finally got down to Triadelphia last night.

Seriously, the drive was murder thanks to rain, construction and some really shitty drivers...

But I got to a bookstore

I have to admit, gifty things wise, I could have spent loads of money there. I did buy my nephew a t-shirt, cos I seem to get him one once a month or so. I got an awesome beanie owl and a funko Dr. Seuss figure.

I also got to reenact my favorite scene from Despicable Me.

Then we went to Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen. BTW...so pissed off that Spasagna isn't on the menu anymore, but I had Key lime chicken and shrimp and a rather strawberry-y sangria

My favorite thing about this restaurant is the big in wall fish tank.

Yes, I am easily amused, but it was a good night, and I had fun...and my new little Kia got to go for a drive.

My Favorite Hobby

I think most of my friends remember how much I love photography. My cameras were always a huge part of my life, until I couldn't get out much because of my parents illnesses.

I did vow to start taking more pictures again.

Take a look at my flickr page to see some of the shots of my flower garden from yesterday. I was actually using my Kodak for awhile, rather than my phone. Not all of them are great but I think there are a couple shots of my blooms that look rather nice.

I did get one pretty awesome shot with my phone yesterday when I was walking to my mailbox at work.

I'm not sure what kind of tree this is, but its blossoms are gorgeous!