Keeping Things Up To Date

Let's see

1. Miss Oogie tested Feline Leukemia positive..trying to keep her from the other cats..I really don't know what to do, but I don't want to surrender her to a shelter, because I love the little dickens.

2. More pictures..

3.  Second job has been stealing my sanity, but I love all the friends I have made there, which makes it so worthwhile.

4. I have tomorrow off, so I'm going to head to Cedar Creek Park with my camera!

Just leaving this photo out there

This is how Naughty Dottie rolls

Summer Recap

I can't believe how fast the time is gone. 2019 is more than half over, but it has been a nice summer, even if I haven't had much time off.

Here are some of the things I've done since Memorial Day

The flower show @ Phipps which was just a bit before Memorial Day

New haircut

Linesville Spillway, Hermitage & Edinboro, Erie trip with my family

Bella Terra Winery in New Stanton

Tubby Hall Park in New Eagle, PA

Trip to Wheeling with my sister

New addition to my brood

Missing Mama

You have no idea how much I miss my mom.

There's so much I want to tell her. To talk to her about.

I want to tell her about all the recipes I've tried.

The things going on in my life.

About my job at Lowes.

I know if there's a heaven, she knows, but my faith is easily shaken these days. This world doesn't make it easy to have faith.

I used to feel my father's presence in my home, but when mom passed, he went with her.

I found myself thinking today of when they told us she was dying. My sister and I stayed at the hospital and I just kept repeating "I love you." over and over and over. I think she wanted to bop me, but I have always had the fear that the people I've loved the most didn't know how much they were loved, be it my mom, my dad or my grandmother.

I can still hear my own scream when I went to my gram's house and found her gone. It was probably the worst day of my life, because even at 101, she was spunky.

I know I'm depressed.

I know I have to move on, and I'm doing it, but there's such a huge hole in my life where she once was.

Random Photos

I've been busy working lately.

A LOT

About 28-30 hours on top of my 40 at my regular job. It kind of keeps me from having much to say..So let me share some of the photos I've taken in the last week or so as proof I'm still alive

My new butterfly bush, which will go in the area that my beloved Oogie is laid to rest.

Lowes has some gorgeous sunflowers

Caught a monarch last Friday outside my office

My new addition. This is Miss Oogie, named in honor of one of the sweetest boys ever. She's a doll baby and so full of love.

My planner for next year.

One of my favorite bridges, The Wheeling Suspension Bridge

Random Thoughts About My 2nd Job

1. People will stand in a line with a light on even if there isn't a cashier standing there. I truly don't understand that. Wouldn't you go somewhere where the body checking you out was located?

2. Why do people think that knowing the price is going to magically make you able to ring up those dang screws, lock nuts and washers?  Also, note to the place I work how the hell are cashiers supposed to know which are which? Which is why those bags and pens are really necessary in that area. Why can't more people use them?

3. Breaks don't exist unless you get a lunch.

4. Customers are almost always rude unless you are in the garden center. Flowers bring out the best in our customers.

5.  For the most part all of my co workers are super nice and I've made some great friends there.

In My Life....I'll Love You More

My sweet little Oogie passed away on Sunday morning early. He fought so hard to stay with us., but a URI that one of my younger cats had got him, and he was too old and weak to recover.

My heart is heavy. This is my second baby to pass this year, and all of my other kitties are close in age to him. Soon to be 12 at the end of the month.

Oogie was my sweet boy, and I loved him so very much. His presence in my house will be greatly missed, but I know mommy and daddy and all his little furry friends who went on ahead of him were there as he crossed that rainbow bridge.

Gardening Is Not What I Do Best

So the violas are about at the end of their life span

So I bought some gorgeous cone flowers at Lowes. Coneflowers are my new favorite flower, as my zinnias hate my guts this year.

I have a makeshift flower bed or two, because no one really taught me how to do anything like that.

So yeah, I'm cleaning the weeds, of which there are many.

and

MOSQUITOS

Yup

One little SOB bit me three times.

So I went in the house..and didn't come back out.

I left the planting to my brother in law and nephew.

Nope..won't make a gardener out of me, no matter how much I love flowers.

Randomosity Strikes Again

1. Heat does strange things to people. Working retail I found that the people that went out in the heat to get garden stuff were pleasant. I had the nicest conversations with them while working. Inside the store, was a total other story. Granted there were some really nice folks that came through my check out line, others not so much.


2. I'm obsessed with covered bridges. I love them. I must photograph them. I must spread love to each and every one I find.

3. Flowers are my new thing.

I <3 coneflowers="" most="" p="" the="" this="" year..="">

4. I can cry at the drop of a hat these days. I am in no way near the end of my grieving for my mother, though it is slowly creeping up to a year since she's been gone.  9 months on Wednesday actually and it still feels like yesterday. I still look for her and want to talk to her. The other day after I had been to a minute clinic, I went to call home, even though I was trying to call my sister and there in the middle of CVS I was ready to start crying.

There are places that I go that I really want to talk to her about. When I stepped out at Dobbin's Landing and saw Lake Erie for the first time in 9 years, I started to cry, because I wanted to share it with her because I know how much she loved that place.

5. 

Beatles Beatles and More Beatles

So I was reading about The Fabs again and someone was discussed George being bitter and angry.

I admit, George has been my favorite Beatle for a very long time, but there's more reason than that to jump to his defense in my book.

He deserved to be bitter

Sure the band did give a lot of time to the Lennon/McCartney songs, but George was talented and his songwriting was good and different from the other two.

When you listen to George talk about the Beatles, he is often dismissive and truthfully he does have a right to be. It was 10ish years of his life and he did do other things. So many of his songs that appeared on albums through Gone Troppo were written during the Beatle years and were dismissed by Paul and John.

Some of these songs were on All Things Must Pass and the one that really pisses me off on George's behalf was Not Guilty, which appeared on the 1979 album. Granted the song seems to be a big ole dig at John and Paul, but its brilliant and should have been on The White Album, especially as much of that album..erm..I'm probably going to hell for this...was miserable, especially the Lennon/McCartney stuff. And if you've never heard Sour Milk Sea...god...George was ripped off by those two and there was good reason to be mad, bitter, whatever.

Oh and while I'm at it...The Circles demo was damn amazing in its White Album demo form.

Suddenly I'm feeling less charitable to John and Paul...because of all the great George songs they buried...

Imagine if they would have been more encouraging...all the music we might have had.

Still trying to get it together

I'm trying so hard to learn meal planning and how to keep my house clean while working two jobs and never being home.

Let me tell you, it isn't easy.

I'm learning it isn't worth it to order out no matter how badly I don't want to cook. I think that's the toughest thing about budgeting. Everyone talks about how you can make "better than takeout" food at home, but they neglect the one reason most people order take out.

THEY DON'T WANT TO COOK

And when you get home around 10 o'clock most nights...cooking is something you really don't want to do.

Come to think of it, neither is cleaning, but I try hard.

Litter boxes get cleaned..the downstairs floor gets swept and vacuumed along with all the other little things I have to do.

My house may not be perfect but its not terrible.

I still wish I had more help with things though.

Weekend Photos

For those of you not on Facebook...

Some pictures from my Saturday out with my brother and his family

Family Feud

I don't mean the game show either.

These days my youngest nephew and I are not speaking, and saying that is an understatement.

It all started a few weeks ago.

At some point, I've not said hello in passing to said nephew's future mother in law.

In my life, I have met this woman a grand total of 3 maybe 4 times and 1 time I didn't say hello. I received a snarky text message saying that since she is going to be family soon, I should talk to her.

I was either coming or going from break!

For the love of God!

Enter the bridal shower, which I've really not wanted to go to. I hardly ever speak to the bride to be. In fact, haven't had much communication since Easter with her. I've always felt showers were more for the bride's family and friends..and I would be totally uncomfortable and out of place there.

Also it would require me losing a shift at work, which is usually a full 8 hrs. Now this isn't a greedy thing. This is a I need this to get food on the table and my credit card paid off.  Not to mention I've had to do repairs on my roof as well as getting my porch fixed. These things cost money. I am also feeding more than just me.

He doesn't understand this at all. Neither does said bride to be.

I had a screaming match about this a few weeks ago...where I word jumbled...I wouldn't be going to either wedding or shower if my mother were alive..so he could pretend she was still here..

All things came to a head when he conveniently forgot my birthday this week.

For me that was it.

I wasn't asking for a present. I was asking for an acknowledgement, as I know our relationship is strained at best now.

By July 3rd, I was fuming mad.

Which ended up with a text saying that I don't support his girlfriend. (Hey..I don't have to..she's your girlfriend not mine) And that I bashed him...UH...no I did not. Anything I posted on Facebook had no names mentioned...It was only guilt that made him angry. Kinda a Your So Vain...You Probably Think This Post Is About You Carly Simon sort of thing.

Which also ended up with a fight between him and his mom, which made me feel very guilty.

I'm done.

I love my nephew, but right now I don't like him very much at all and I'm pretty sure there is no way to fix things at this point.

They Say Its My Birthday...I'm Not Gonna Have A Good Time

Working 12.5 hrs today.

Nope..not a good way to spend my 45th b-day.

Not at all.

But yay my pom pom flower is blooming

And my mom's friend Eleanor got me these pretty blooms too

Now if I can get my free Starbucks today, I'll be happy.

A Few Days of Craziness

I had the last two days off of my second job, however an oversight caused me to spend those 2 days in a full blown panic attack.

See the schedule comes out around 3:30 on Wednesday afternoon and I only had 12.5 hours.

I almost died.

This is when I am almost on track to pay some bills off by the end of the year, or be close to it.

I need these hours to be able to afford to ..you know..EAT.

Until this morning I had no idea what was going on...as my supervisor was off and so was I.

I finally got to talk to her..and I should be back to some semi normal hours I hope once she looks at the schedule.

Oye vey.

I was so nervous..and was having full on panic attacks for almost 2 days.

Not fun.

I Need To Spend Some Quality Time With My House

I am exhausted.

Last week I tried to get some things done to declutter my living space. I only got half of it done.

Between the stuff going on with my porch and the roof..and working two jobs..and not having a real day off until this coming Sunday...I am ready to crack.

Hell, I still haven't had a chance to go to the laundromat. This is the longest I've gone when it comes to that in ages.

I am just so sick of everything right now.

Also I think I need a maid and a laundry service.


Sigh

Truth in One Cartoon

This is why I try to avoid the news anymore.  Its too painful anymore

Grieving

They say that the first year after the loss of a loved one is the hardest.

It will be 8 months since my mama left us on Monday.

Yes, this year has been hard. Very hard. There are times when I am not sure I want to go on.

I know that death is a part of life. I know that your parents don't live forever. I understand all of that, but it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't take the hurt away. It doesn't take that loneliness away.

It also makes other things hurt more.

In Nov, it will be 5 years since my dad passed. I think I had been quietly accepting that he was no longer with us, until Oct.

Now everything hurts so much more. 

I want them both back. I need their advice and guidance more now than I ever did.

I feel like I'm floating about in my life and I don't know how to live it anymore.

I wish I could describe the pain I feel right now. All I can say is that I feel like my heart is torn out of my body and crushed on the floor. I feel like half a person maybe even less.

Happy Birthday Sir Paul!

I can't fathom that Paul is 77 and that I've loved his music ALL OF MY LIFE. My first musical memories are of watching The Beatles cartoons.

My favorite song at age 5 was I'll Follow The Sun.

One of my first albums was Tug of War.

He is what I think when you say musical legend.

A Few Things

1. I am almost done with my 7 day stretch at Lowes and I am dead tired.

2. Finding easy meal options to make at 10 pm is in no way easy.

3. I just want to go somewhere and hide for a few days.

4. I want to take pictures but I have no days off, so I can't go anywhere.

5. I think one of my friends from work is going to cut and color my hair. Yay!

Grumbling

I spent the better part of last week miserable with a cough and no voice.

Then my brother in law's brother died.

Then the brother in law gets sick, and long story short there, I was scared he was going to land in the hospital.

The roof is having issues again, which could potentially screw up my getting the dining room table in August, like I hoped.

I'm just not a happy camper right now at all.

All I want is 8 hours of sleep at this point.

Beatley Ramblings Return

I really need to change the channel on my Sirius radio, but I can't get away from The Beatles.

Here are things that I've thought about the guys lately.

The reason the Beatles were different from just about every group at the time, and for the most part now is that there was an abundance of talent. John and Paul may have been the leaders in songwriting and vocals, but they gave everyone a chance to shine.

Whether or not they chose to admit it, John and Paul needed each other. Without the other their songs either slipped off into the weird and hypocrital (Im looking at you John)  to the sickeningly sweet ( uh Paul)

John always went for the more avant garde, but as George Harrison was quoted as saying that's French for bullshit. So yeah there are beautiful songs. Imagine is lovely and so is Mind Games, but when you start looking at the man that wrote them, and his actions, their sparkle gets a little tarnished. I've always felt its a bit ridiculous to hear a millionaire sing "Imagine no possessions." This came from the man who told David Bowie, "You bastard, you wish you had my money" jokingly at one point.

Paul was more a pop song writer. That's what he has always done best. Still, I find some of his better songs to have come from his collaboration with Elvis Costello, who has a little bit of Lennon's snark. I know I've said this over and over, but they really should have done a whole album together.

Back to Paul..I don't know why pop songs get dismissed. The early Beatles songs were just that. Why does music have to always be pushing the envelope. Why can't it just be fun? I mean I adore songs like Ballroom Dancing and My Brave Face. Music doesn't have to be deep and thoughtful, sometimes it just has to make you feel good.

I think that's why I like Ringo's stuff. It's pop..its fun..it doesn't take itself too seriously.

I want to talk about George but ahhhh George. I read an article that dissed most of his solo work other than Crackerbox Palace and All Things Must Pass.

I know I'm in the minority, but I loved Extra Texture. I also adored the 80s super strange flop, Gone Troppo. I also loved the self titled George Harrison album and Somewhere In England

Pollen Sucks

I've kind of been under the weather or under something or other for the last 4 days to varying degrees. Not feeling totally sick but feeling mostly miserable. Even more fun was waking up on Saturday to no voice when you have to work a 9 hour shift.

Speaking of that 9 hr shift. It wasn't in my usual area of the store, and I got bit up by mosquitoes while I was there.

Enter more misery.

Managed to make it through Sunday which was insanely busy, only to have to deal with Campy's Pizza who doesn't like to sell food when they are busy.

Seriously, I called for a carry out and they said..."well it will be 40 minutes."

Like, so? I still want my damn pizza.

Also..had to do laundry as well.

I totally hate the laundromat, but the work involved in getting a washer/drier in my home outweigh the misery of sitting there for 1.5 each week.

Yesterday I was just so damn tired, I don't know how I manage to make supper. I slept til 6 once I got home from work, then I made dinner and was out like a light for the rest of the night.

I'm still coughing my head off whenever I do too much, but mostly I feel more human today.