Missing Mama

You have no idea how much I miss my mom.

There's so much I want to tell her. To talk to her about.

I want to tell her about all the recipes I've tried.

The things going on in my life.

About my job at Lowes.

I know if there's a heaven, she knows, but my faith is easily shaken these days. This world doesn't make it easy to have faith.

I used to feel my father's presence in my home, but when mom passed, he went with her.

I found myself thinking today of when they told us she was dying. My sister and I stayed at the hospital and I just kept repeating "I love you." over and over and over. I think she wanted to bop me, but I have always had the fear that the people I've loved the most didn't know how much they were loved, be it my mom, my dad or my grandmother.

I can still hear my own scream when I went to my gram's house and found her gone. It was probably the worst day of my life, because even at 101, she was spunky.

I know I'm depressed.

I know I have to move on, and I'm doing it, but there's such a huge hole in my life where she once was.