Nerves I Has Em

The closing date on the house is June 27, so I should have a shiny house for my birthday this year.

I'm scared to death.

I've lived in my current residence since I was brought home from the hospital in 1974 and my parents moved in in 1967.

There's a lot of memories in these walls.

So, there's a lot of guilt involved in this move. Irrational guilt.

I just have so much going on in my tiny little brain.

I hope to get back to blogging on a regular basis someday soon.

I just don't know when that will be.

Maybe when I have pictures of my pretty new house.

Updates

A few things that have been going on.

1. My offer was accepted on the house!! I'm waiting on the lawyer and bank now.

2. I've become addicted to the show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel.

3. My sleep patterns suck.

4. I'm so stressed, I'm having a hard time reading, and I hate not being able to read.

5. Life without Jon Stewart on The Daily Show is going to be very painful.

Where Have I Been?

If you aren't on Facebook with me, you might wonder where I've been hiding?

Well last Saturday morning, mom got rushed to the hospital with a bout of congestive heart failure and a touch of pneumonia.

I also made an offer on a house.

So, in short, I've been a bundle of nerves for the last few days and nothing can calm me down. I still haven't heard anything back about the house, so needless to say, I'm on pins and needles, because, this is the house. THE HOUSE people. The house of my dreams. (And honest, I don't dream very big)

Mom is home now too, but not 100%. We all feel the hospital saw her name and decided to toss her out, lest she become a serial hospital patient like my dad was. Either way, no one, including my mom was very happy with that decision.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that her health returns a bit to her, because I don't know how much more I can take.

Oh and it is also 5 months now that dad's been gone.

What A Week

This has been a shitty week.

Why?

My nephews' grandmother (his father's mom) passed away last Saturday. That made this an extra sad Easter. Not to mention it caused huge issues with who would be with my mom when they went to the funeral.

That wasn't a pretty discussion, as I could not take a day off for someone not related to me in any way.

Mom was supposed to have an appointment at the heart doctor yesterday. Fifteen minutes before I was to leave work that the doctor was stuck at the hospital and was cancelling.

Oye to the vey!

I am going to look at a house on Sunday. The person selling just wants to sell and not deal with realtors. I'm kind of nervous about this, but I know that the house is well taken care of and it is in a good part of my sad little town.

All I want to do is relax and read tomorrow to make up for this lousy week.

The House Hunt Continues

My boss's son, aka my other boss' said that his grandmother knew someone selling their house. It's on the opposite side of town one block higher up on the hill.

I drove by on my way home and if its the house I think it is,it really is a lovely brick home. Hopefully my agent and I will be able to look at it sometime this week.

I'm totally scared at the thought of having my own house with a mortgage that I'll be paying until I'm 71 years old!!

That's absolutely terrifying.

I also know that if I do this, and I have to do this, I'll never go on another vacation.

I'm done.

I'll have a house, cats, books and nothing else.

Its very worrisome.

I always wanted more in my life, but I guess, that's never going to happen. So I'm going to take what I can get, whatever that may be.

RIP Cynthia Lennon

Cyn was my favorite Beatle wife. Its hard to believe that she's gone.

My heart breaks for Julian, even though I don't know him or his mother.

The loss of a parent is a tough thing

Sick Of Sadness

How can I get some happy going on?

For a holiday week, it really started off bad.

Plumie died...Thursday would have been my dad's 89th birthday...we still haven't found a house.

I'm super stressed and I feel powerless.

The only thing that's keeping me sane are books. I'm reading...not as much as usual. I've only read about 30 books this year, but what I have read I've really enjoyed.

It doesn't help matters, that I really have no one to talk to outside of my family. Hospice really doesn't care to help the grieving outside of the patient's spouse. My nephew and I are left alone with our grief.

I don't know that I'll ever get over losing my dad.

Yes, he had been sick for a very long time, but he always rallied. He was a fighter and then some. To lose his kitty now, that's the final blow.

I think she decided she didn't want to be without him.

I'm sure my dad was on the other side of the rainbow bridge waiting for her yesterday, along with all the other animals we've lost over the years. I'm sure he played with her and finally she curled up on the lap she loved the most and slept peacefully again.

Now if only I could feel better.

RIP Sugarplum

I don't have the words right now.

My little girl, who we jokingly called Lady Sugarplum von Buttonhead crossed the rainbow bridge this morning.

She was only 9 years old.

I think she died of a broken heart. She was never the same after my dad died. He was her man.

I want to celebrate her life here today.

Hump Day Hunks

Its been awhile since I've posted some pretties here...

Easy Meals

In the last few years, since cooking has fallen on my shoulders, I find myself looking for the easy peasy recipes for weeknights.

I usually save fancy stuff for weekends.

Well, today while I was watching Food Network, I saw an interesting take on sloppy joes. It was on The Pioneer Woman.

Can I just say, I really do not like Ree Drummond.

When ever she says she has to have her recipes approved by hungry cowboys, kids and her...I want to say, try to find recipes that will be approved by hungry old people and a finicky twenty something that works in food service.

No joke, my youngest nephew won't come over for dinner if we order out.

But back to The Pioneer Woman. She was doing multiple recipes that used her meat sauce. One of them was the Italian Sloppy Joes. I am not one to make my own sauce.

I liked the concept, but it just isn't easy enough.

I think when I make my version of Italian Sloppy Joes I think I'll use this one

Because I like meals that are easy and different. (And don't require me using the broiler)

4 Months Ago

Today I find myself reliving the events of Nov 16, 2014.

It has been 4 months since my dad went home to God.

I like the sound of that better than "he died."

I want to believe he's in a better place waiting for us to join him. In a place where he can breath and chop wood and pull weeds without any issues.

I remember staying up all night on Nov 15, taking his temperature, knowing there wasn't much time left.

I remember one blissful second when I saw my father's eyes open, but he never really woke up.

I remember taking his blood pressure. Seeing how low it was and then how high.

I remember giving him a final bath with my sister-in-law.

I remember falling asleep for 10 fucking minutes...and then going to kiss him, only to find out he had gone.

Today, more than any day in the last 4 months, my mind has relived those last 48 hours, and everything hurts so much.

I don't think I'll ever get over his passing. I love my daddy so much. And there just wasn't enough time to tell him just how much.

I always felt safe with him in the house, even when he was sick. Now I'm scared of what lies ahead and I wish he were here to talk to or at least hold.

I've said this many times...life sucks without my daddy.

It was 63 years ago today

I wish dad were still here with you mama, but in spirit he is.

Today's Earworm

There are reasons I usually stick to classic rock stations.

Less earworms.

Or rather, less annoying earworms.

Sure there are songs like "Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)" and "Yummy Yummy Yummy" but they also have the cute factor.

But the other day I had 99.7 on and I heard "Rude" by MAGIC! and now its stuck in my head.



Like most of the songs I've been gravitating to lately, he has a strong 80s vibe. I like the mellow reggae sound of this band. I may actually have to buy their album.

Missing Grandma

Grandma would have been 108 today. I know that's an age most people don't live to see, but she was spunky. She made it to 101. Not bad. And she had a good long life, filled with many people that loved her.

I still miss her so much.

I hope she's having a nice time with my daddy today in heaven. I know she has most of her family with her now.

Love you more, grandma!

Watching Justin Hayward

My nephew told me that our local PBS station was airing the Justin Hayward special tonight.

It has been ages since I've listened to him, let alone watched anything like that.

It really is beautiful video and it gives the world a chance to see that he still has an incredible voice.

I had to draw comparisons to Paul McCartney as I watched. Justin is 4 years younger than Paul, but he sounds 100 times better. As much as I like Macca, his recent performances leave me wishing he'd retire.

I loved hearing the new songs live, since I wasn't able to see him in concert when he came to Pittsburgh, and likely won't be able to see him again ever, as life has made seeing concerts pretty much impossible. But more than the new songs, it was hearing New Horizons, Your Wildest Dreams and, of course, Question live.

If you have a chance you have to watch this video.

Almost Midnight

Its kind of odd that I'm wide awake right now.


Most days when the midnight hour approaches, I'm out like a light.


I think my body's playing a cruel joke on me because we lose an hour tonight. And because I have to get up early to get to the Laundromat before the creepers get there.


I have a dream that I will one day have a washer and dryer so that I don't have to do the laundry away from home.


The only good thing about being wide awake now, is that I'll be able to watch the movie I rented at some point tonight.


Woo hoo!


I think the last movie I watched was Saving Mr. Banks and that was quite by accident.


Oh and this video makes me happy and sad at the same time

Things I've Learned

First, let me say, life sucks. But as I've taken over the running of our house there are other things I've learned. (The life sucks part is a given).


1. No one ever helps with the dishes.


2. Putting things away is a job that only I am capable of doing.


3. I am the only person that knows how to fold clothes or hang them.


4. When you've been cold for so long, the sub zero temps don't feel so cold anymore. I swear I could live amongst the Amish if I didn't like the computer so much.


5. Cooking is a thankless task.


6. Laundry doesn't do itself.


7. Snow is evil and it needs to go away.


8. We need more chairs and more space.

You've Got To Admit It's Getting Better

And I wish that were the case.

For the last three months there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried. And I cry for so many reasons. I cry because I miss my father. I want to hold him. I want to talk to him. I want him to fix things, even though in the last year, he wasn't able to do that.

It was just his presence that made me feel like things would be ok.

Now that he's not here, I know that they won't be ok.

There are things I can't fix, and frankly I don't know what to do.

I'm trying to find a house and nothing that's in my price range will work for mom and I. The thought of moving from the only house I've ever lived in, scares the crap out of me and I know I'm mostly going to be doing it on my own.

I keep thinking, it is getting better. I have accomplished things. Maybe we'll find a house. Maybe things will be all right for awhile.

It can't get much worse, as Lennon sang

Salsa Chicken & Rice

I came up with this recipe after hunting down other recipes for Salsa Chicken.

Ingredients

1lb of chicken tenders (approximately 10 tenders)
2 jars of your favorite salsa
1 can of either pinto beans or black beans
1 cup chicken broth
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 cup taco sauce
1 cup of uncooked rice
2 cups of mexican cheese blend

Directions
Preheat oven to 375 and grease a 9 x 13 pan.

In a bowl combine rice, salsa, sauce, broth, chili powder, and cumin

Pour into the pan and add beans and chicken tenders.

Cover with foil and cook for 1 hour (longer if you use unthawed tenders)

If the rice is done add cheese and continue to bake until cheese has melted.

I found that with frozen tenders this recipe took about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

New Music

I was reliving my school days this week, because of the weather. I had a few delays because my office is out in the boondocks and the road to get there is seldom clear. So I watched a lot of talk shows.

I would like to thank GMA and Jimmy Fallon for introducing me to Imagine Dragons (as you saw in my hump day hunks post) and Walk The Moon.

Its really been a long time since I had music that I was really getting excited about. Walk The Moon takes me back to the 80s. Their current single "Shut Up And Dance" reminds me of 80s new wave.

Give it a listen


And while I'm sharing videos. Did any of you see Miley Cyrus on the SNL 40th special?

I don't usually have much to say about her, but she covered "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" and it was impressive. Honest, when she isn't trying to shock people by being ridiculous, she has a pretty strong voice, especially for folk and country songs. I'd love to see her do a country album.


If she did an album like this, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

Paul McCartney was on the same special, and sadly RETIREMENT was the only word I could think of as he butchered "Maybe I'm Amazed."

I love him to pieces, but his voice is not there anymore.