I'm a Sad Bunny

I saw an article about one of my school teachers who passed away a few weeks ago. She was a lovely lady who did much for the community, and her death was totally unexpected.

I felt a little jealousy when I read about the long lines at her visitation, because I wonder if there's anyone besides my immediate family who are crying for my father.

It is going on two months since dad passed away, and life isn't easier. It is more confusing and frustrating, and I don't know what to do and I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I feel so lost and alone and it hurts so much and I just want my daddy back.

Christmas Hits?

I love Christmas music. Everyone knows that. If the past 24 months hadn't been so awful, I would have had 2 more mix CDs done, or playlists or something.

This morning on GMA they were discussing why there weren't any big holiday hit songs, and there haven't been since Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." That was in 1996,

Holiday songs are a tricky thing.

The problem is there are some beautiful and fun ones out there, they just aren't by artists that are really well known, or they aren't big enough ear worms. That's really the key. To be a holiday hit, the song has to be a huge ear worm. It doesn't matter if it is religious or full of sentimental references. (That was what was referenced in the segment) The important thing is that you want to sing it, ALL THE TIME!

That's why songs like "All I Want For Christmas Is You", "Wonderful Christmastime" and of course, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" are huge during the holiday season. You hear them once, and you keep hearing them over and over again.

So why hasn't Katy Perry scored a huge holiday hit? I'm not sure, but I'm kind of glad it hasn't happened, because I still have "Roar" stuck in my head and really, that's painful enough.

If you don't love The Moody Blues' "Don't Need A Reindeer", there is something wrong with you! But that song wouldn't make the hit list, because the guys are older, and lets face it, you don't get much airplay after 40. Can anyone say age discrimination?

Oh and please tell people to stop remaking "Do They Know It's Christmas" and "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)." The remakes, even ones done by people that I love make my ears bleed.

Truth be told, we just want to hear our favorite holiday tunes this time of year. Well, except for White Christmas. I am so sick of that song, and everyone's desire to see snow on the holiday.

But I'm going to tell you the real reason why there hasn't been a huge holiday hit in nearly 20 years. It is because music is so disposable and even the big artists aren't quite as..erm..talented and out there as they were 20 years ago or more.

But for those looking for a good song for the winter months and Christmas here's Owl City's "Peppermint Winter"

Christmas Baking

This is the hardest part of Christmas this year...the baking.

My dad always had a sweet tooth and once I took on the responsibility of cooking, I made his treats. The last few years, I made dozens of cookies, and they brought him so much joy.

This year, each cookie I take off the tray brings a tear to my eye, because he's not here to enjoy them.

Here are two of my offerings for the holiday

The peanut butter chocolate confetti bars are chilling in the fridge.

Getting Nowhere Fast

I am spinning wheels again.

I have next to nothing done for the holiday. I have food bought, but very little else. I'm halfway through with presents, but I still have quite a few things I need to buy.

Tree?

I have no idea where we're even going to put it.

I need help and I'm still not getting it.

I didn't think it was possible to be more frustrated than I was prior to Nov 16, but I think I am.

I'm think I may just cancel Christmas this year. I just don't think that it is worth it.

Christmas Isn't Coming

I have no tree up.

I have no motivation to do it.

This weekend will mark one month since he's been gone.

I want to "keep" Christmas, but my heart isn't into it.

I know I should.

But I just can't seem to do it.

It hurts too much.

I can't stop crying. The stress has just transferred itself to different things, and truthfully, I'd rather be stressed out taking care of my father than being stressed out over all the things that I have to deal with now that he's gone.

Have I mentioned how empty and quiet our house is without him?

And its so hard when you have no one to talk to that understands. At least hospice has helped my mom, but they forgot that there were other caregivers for my dad, and our hearts are broken too, and we are all having trouble coping.

So really, it would be ok, if we skipped most of Christmas this year, right?

Hump Day Hunks

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I hope wherever you are now, you have found peace.

I hope the images of WWII that tormented you so much in your last days are gone.

I hope that you can see it in your heart to forgive me for all the times I lost patience with you, because now it is those little things that make me miss you the most. I would give almost anything to put you on "the bucket" again or get you a waffle "those round things."

I long to sit on a hospital bed with my arm around you. Because, Daddy, oh my dear sweet Daddy, I love you so much. I don't think I've ever known such pain or emptiness in my heart.


I wish God would have seen fit to let you wake up one last time before he took you from us, just so I would have known that you heard me say, "I love you."


I wish I hadn't wanted to do things so much when you were still with us, even though I never did them. I wanted such stupid things, like a trip to the mall or to a restaurant. I don't want those anymore. All I want, is something that I can't have. You. 

I wish the house wasn't so empty and quiet. Even in your sickness, you filled it with life. Oh Daddy, my Daddy. It is so hard to go on without you.


Love,

Andrea

What Happened To Mourning?

This world moves by at such a crazy pace that people seem to think you should finish grieving in a few short weeks.

My dad died on Nov 16th and that wound is still fresh.

If I could wear black everyday, I would.

What I don't understand are the people that say, "Well, you're moving on with your life now, right?"

WTF?

No.

In fact, right now, my life feels like it is at a total stand still. I don't know what to do with myself.  I spent the last 6 years taking care of my dad, though his health wasn't always bad in that time period. I went to the doctor with him, I stayed at the hospital with him, I knew what was going on.

That's gone, and I feel like I'm floating off to sea. I'm adrift, with no purpose at all.

The worst part is that all the little things that annoyed the hell out of me before, are what I miss the most right now.

My life is empty and its going to take more than a few weeks to make the pain go away. Anyone that thinks it should just disappear, has obviously never loved someone.

Hump Day Hunks

Sometimes you need pretty things to make you less depressed. Right now I need a lot of pretty things


Here are a few of my favorite things

I've been tripping out of old episodes of The Nanny on TVLand at 5 am. Charles Shaughnessy is still gorgeous. Heck Fran is too.

Benedict Cumberbatch....le sigh...and I'm still not sure why.

The world needs more Tom Hiddleston in it.

Stop Being Offended

It is that time of year again, when all you see is "Keep Christ in Christmas" and a whole lot of bruhaha over "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays."

People need to get a grip.

If someone says "Happy Holidays" they don't know if you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. It isn't supposed to be offensive, it is supposed to be all inclusive.

And if you really want to "Keep Christ in Christmas" start acting like Christians, and be more kind and giving to the poor and needy, rather than spending thousands on iPhones and TVs and other gadgets.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I'm not saying that getting nice presents is bad. I like a great gift as much as everyone else, but excess is not what Christmas is about. Oh and most of the stuff everyone enjoys about Christmas is more rooted in pagan-ism than Christianity.

Christmas should be more about family, then stuff anyway.

This shouldn't be a season that is as chaotic as it is. I've often wondered why we have holidays where we spend more time preparing then actually enjoying.

Like Thanksgiving.

You spend hours in the kitchen cooking a meal that you only enjoy for maybe an hour tops. The cook is usually exhausted when the last dish is done too.

But that's another rant all together.

Now stop being offended by everything and enjoy the next 30 days no matter what you celebrate, and be thankful for those that love you and raise a glass to those you love that aren't there anymore.

Big Sigh

I did the hardest thing. I started to go through my dad's clothes.

He had quite a tie collection.  None of which are going to Goodwill. There are 3 huge bags of clothes going there, but not the ties.

The ties have sentimental value, and I will give a few of them to my brother and nephews. I bought a bunch of them for him, back in my retail days.

He has some great novelty ties too. There's a few Home Improvement ties, Looney Toons (Marvin Martian!), Heinz, Coke....etc..

We always wanted him to look snazzy, and I enjoyed finding clothes for him.

I hate getting rid of stuff like this. I said the same thing when my grandmother died back in 2008. It feels like I'm throwing him away and my dad's life isn't one that should be cast aside.
   
He was a good father, husband and friend and casting aside things that were a part of his life feels so wrong.

People I Want To Punch In The Throat

The last two weeks have been hard. The holidays without my dad are really bleak, but we have to soldier on. Life goes on and all that bullcrap, even though the house feels so damn empty without him.

There's too much quiet.

Quiet that I once thought I wanted.

I was wrong.

I think I might almost sell my soul to have him back in the hospital bed calling for me or my nephew, Raymond for a Boost or to use the "bucket."

It doesn't help matters when some well meaning people send the wrong words in their sympathy cards. Please don't ever tell me that you are "saddened yet relieved that my father has gone home to be with God." I may want to punch you in the throat. I'm having a hard enough time with my faith, and an even harder time with people that are trying to sound compassionate, but come across as sounding foolish and insensitive.

Never ever ever tell someone that has lost a loved one that you are "relieved that they have gone to be with God." I will never ever ever be "relieved" that my father isn't with us anymore.

I've also seen family members beg for sympathy, but never once pick up the phone to call my mother. No one should be sorry for their loss. If you haven't visited or talked to my dad in 10 years or more, it isn't your freaking loss. It is our loss. He is our father, my mother's husband, I realize he's a relation to you, but you didn't lose anybody, we did.

Am I bitter?

Yes.

Am I cranky?

Hell yes!

Is my heart shattered into a million pieces?

There are no words, my friends. No words at all.

It is hard to blog with a broken heart

I'm trying to remember all the wonderful things about my father.

Here are some things everyone should know about him.

1. He was silly.

2. He was a great fix it man, hence our having Cheryl the Chevy, well into the 80s.

3. He was a loving and devoted husband.

4. His little girl loved him very much. (Bet you didn't guess that)

5. He was a animal lover and was the one that brought the first cat into the house

6. He served in the coast guard during WWII

There are so many things I want to say about him...from the time he left quarters on the floor of my room....daily...so I could buy my first CD player...to our trips out to eat. He loved the pot pie at Rock Bottom Brewery (he liked the beer too) and at Cheddars...He loved Starbucks coffee and dancing the polka. He loved Les Miserables, especially Master Of The House.

When I took him to his blood doctor, it was like a party. The nurses were so nice to him and he got to eat cookies and drink Pepsi or Boost and then we'd stop at Dairy Queen on the way home.

We did so much together,my dad and I. He took me on the Superdooperlooper at Hershey Park and the flume rides.

There are so many memories. So much love....and it hurts so bad to know that he's gone from me forever.

Taking care of him,wasn't always easy. I wasn't always pleasant, and neither was he..but he was my dad, and as he always said, I was his daughter.

And you just can't blog with a broken heart.

Oh Daddy, My Daddy

Today has been the saddest day of my life.

Andrew James Guy entered immortality at 2:10 pm.

He is preceded in death by father Wilmer Guy, mother Anna Armitage, brothers Raymond Guy, David Stanley Guy, Howard Dale Guy and sisters Margaret Heider and Bertha Aileen.

He is survived by his wife of 62 years, Emma Jame Guy. His three children; Rudy Guy, Debby Leech, and Andrea Guy; his two grandsons, Raymond Leech and Michael Leech and his four granddaughters, Melanie Moyer, Monica Shope, Ali Guy and Amanda Guy, and great grandchildren, Olivia Shope, Emma Shope, William Shope, Jake Moyer and Katie Moyer. And two dear friends, Ed and Cheryl Zippay.

Andrew served in the coast guard during WWII. He is a retiree of Corning Glass Works and Charleroi Area School District.

He was a loving and devoted husband, father and friend. He loved his pets. He loved fixing things and helping others.

He was a good man who will be sorely missed by all who knew him.

I'm AWOL

I think if it weren't for Facebook and its mindless games, that I'd totally leave the internet. I have nothing to blog about anymore.

There is no happy in my life and there can't be.

There is nothing worse than watching someone you love slowly fade away.

It is horrible and it totally makes me question my belief in god.

Why?

Because I was taught there's a merciful God out there, but if God had any mercy, this wouldn't be happening to my father right now.

I don't know what to think or feel right now.

I only know that I hope when my own time comes that it is swift and it isn't this slow progression that saps the person you love from you day by day, making you suffer the loss long before it happens.

I miss my daddy.

God is not merciful. God is cruel and heartless.

Hump Day Hunks

Let's have some prettiness to help us get through the week.

Too Hard To Blog

I wish I could say that things are getting better, but they aren't. It is too the point that you only have to be in our house for about 5 minutes and you are exhausted.

We're considering respite in hopes that we might regain some of our sanity, but we're worried about how it will affect dad's mental state, which is pretty fragile these days. There's not much lucidity.

It puts everyone on the edge, and if you don't live with it, you can't understand.

It makes us all feel like prisoners in our own home.

You can't relax.

I can't read when I'm at home.

I can barely think when I'm at home.

I need a rest. But my rest needs to be longer than 5 days.

Scratty

 She's a cutie..and no, she isn't the one that tore apart my desk chair..it just did that on its own...I seriously need to get to Staples.

Anyone have some time they could lend me, so I could do that?

Top Ten Tuesday

Top Ten Books/Movies To Read Or Watch To Get In The Halloween Spirit

Let's go half and half...

Books

The lead character is called The Graveyard Queen, nuff said.

This story takes place near Salem, and it is downright creepy!

Not so much a romance, and it is really creepy.

A great holiday themed cozy to get you in the mood!

A Halloween cozy with recipes!

Now for the movies!

You will find I have a fondness for animation....

Hump Day Hunks

Hunks that are no long with us....

At least Craig will still be bringing the laughs, but oh how I miss Robin....

WTF John Grisham WTF

I love when celebrities say stupid things.

I'm disappointed when people that should have brains say stupid things...

Case in point,  John Grisham

"We have prisons now filled with guys my age. Sixty-year-old white men in prison who've never harmed anybody, would never touch a child," he said in an exclusive interview to promote his latest novel Gray Mountain which is published next week.

"But they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever, and pushed the wrong buttons, went too far and got into child porn."

What the hell is this guy thinking?  I know he was discussing how prisons are overcrowded with "not your avg criminal," but shouldn't a guy that makes a living stringing words together know that there is a huge can of worms opened here.

This isn't the 1500s or 1400s when people married off their young daughters to much older gentlemen. We've become somewhat smarter. Ok, maybe not smarter, but we know that you don't marry girls that young to men that old. It just isn't right.

But John opened his mouth and stupid came out in a big way. We all know that you just don't stumble into that kind of nasty. You go looking for it. And being wasted isn't an excuse.

So John, before you open your mouth again, letting more stupid fall out, think about what you are going to say.

I'm sick of people that don't use their brains at all.

No one just pushes the wrong buttons, John, even if they are drunk especially when it comes to this kind of nasty stuff. Oh and are 16 year old girls not important, no matter how old they look?

Another author I have no respect for. He makes huge sums of money writing books but he obviously has no sense whatsoever.

Hump Day Hunks!

Time for some pretties!

RIP Little JJ

Today is the first time in many many years that there isn't a dog in our house.

Our little JJ..the JTard...my little tardly dog...passed away, just before 6 o'clock this evening.

He had a very full life and was loved by one and all. (except my brother).

He was lucky enough to have 2 owners that would do anything for him.

My sister's brother in law had him first. He was actually in the car with him, when he had the heart attack that killed him.

He then came to my sister, who would bring him to our house and that's when my mom fell in love with him. He didn't stay with my sister very long.

He was a sweet dog.

Even when he left little puddles here and there, and poop bombs.

This winter, I said I'd rather clean up pee and poop than put him outside for freeze his little wienie off. Probably not a good thing, but I wasn't going to let anything happen to him.

He was with us 8 years.

I don't think there was ever a dog in our household that was loved as much as JJ.

We'll miss you little buddy.

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm

All this talk about those hacked photos of actresses naked makes me wonder a few things.

1. Why you would take the pictures in the first place and put them in storage on the internet. Web space is not always safe, hence it can and likely will be hacked.

2. I guess, just Why? All I can think is why?

Jennifer Lawrence apparently feels like its a sex crime. I don't know if I'd go that far. It is an invasion of privacy and those looking at the photos are peeping toms.

But there is one way to avoid things like this happening.

Stop taking pictures of yourself naked. Just as you shouldn't really tape yourself having sex, cos somehow, someone is going to get their hands on it and you'll become the next trashy starlet.

My next question is, why do the hackers only go after women?

The only time these kinds of photos leak with men involved, its sleazy politicians like Anthony Weiner. or whatever he's calling himself these days. Although rumor has it, one of the tartlets was an ex of Matt Smith and his naughty bits are all out there for the world to see.

I'm actually waiting to see if he reacts.

It would be nice to see a guy acting all offended.

And why is it that the photos have these actresses all in a twist, but if it were a sex tape, not so much.  I personally find random acts of nudity to be rather classless.

Keep your clothes on, and you'll stay out of trouble.

Hump Day Hunks

Thank God for Wednesdays. I need to look at pretty things.

TV I Give Up On

After last season, there are two shows I really can't bother watching, Castle and The Big Bang Theory.

Yeah, I have crazy taste in telly.

I just can't get my head around Penny doing a real job, considering she's so ditzy and the whole Castle amnesia thing is stupid. How many times can that be done? Do they really not want him to marry Kate that much?

Oh, and will someone please tell me how Last Man Standing is still on? I hate politics in my telly, especially sitcoms. I mean, this show isn't like Alex P. Keaton, from family ties, its full on in your face annoying stuff. And guess what? It isn't funny.

Oh and to be honest, I don't care what party you belong to, I don't want to see it in my sitcom, unless its a show about politicians etc.

GAH!

Now let me rant about Doctor Who.

I love this show.

I hate Steven Moffatt.

This season has been so iffy. I think Peter Capaldi is a wonderful Doctor, but the writing he's been given is shit. And then there's Clara, who goes from being The Impossible Girl to the Impossible Bitch. She's acquired a personality, but it isn't a likable one. Jenna Coleman is adorable, but the character just doesn't work with 12. And Samuel's Danny Pink? Blech.

They need to bring back Captain Jack or get someone that has sass and actually feels like he/she wants to be on the TARDIS.

Maybe its just me.

As it is, Robot Of Sherwood was my favorite episode this season, which a vast majority of people didn't like.

PAH!

At least I have Forever, now that's a show I could really grow to love...

And this is why...

Waiting and Praying

Dad's lungs are really bad. Yet, he's strong and is hanging in there. I get so scared, because I can't imagine what life is going to be like without him. I know I bitch and moan about not being able to go out and about, because he doesn't like it when I'm not home. (I can go to work, that's fine). I would gladly give another 10 years of being stuck in the house if we could keep him with us, but I know that's not the case. There's nothing worse than watching someone who was so strong be brought down. He's frustrated with himself and I know he can't stand it. My dad is the kind of guy that would be out there cutting wood or doing the shopping if he could. He thrived on work. Now he's stuck in a hospital bed. I hate seeing him this way, but I hate the thought of him not being there. I know we are on borrowed time. We have been since last November. The doctor's had only given him 2 -6 months then. It's October now, so you know he's proven them wrong. God isn't ready for him. I hope he won't be ready for him for awhile. All I know is that I'll never been able to look at cookies again when he's gone. (My dad eats cookies and waffles more than anything...oh and Boost!) One thing I can tell you, there's never enough time. So if you haven't spoken to a parent or grandparent today, call them, and tell them you love them, because one day they might not be there and you'll have to live with those regrets.

Hump Day Hunks!

Here are some pretties

Where To Begin

It must be nice to go to a comic con for 3 days and not give a shit about the rest of the family, and while I enjoy my guilt presents, I would prefer to be able to get out in the world and do something rather than smile and say thank you for that autographed picture of Paul McGann.

Who is Paul McGann?

This is the bloke that played the 8th Doctor...and quite lovely he is.

So, I've been being a little bitter and cranky lately. Cos life sucks if you're me, right now,