Missing Mondays

Today is April 26. It just hit me right now. Its pouring down rain and I think its supposed to do that all day, so I will no likely be able to go to the cemetery.

Today marks 2 years since Grandma has been gone. It doesn't feel like that long. Two years since I walked down to her house to check on her shortly after 1 p.m. on a Saturday.

I still can't go in the upstairs without crying. I still can't remember anything I said to her the night before, except that I was busy doing something not very important at all and I have never really felt like I said what needed to be said. Plus I will always feel like I should have been there, even though I know that there was likely nothing I could have done to help. I would have just panicked and screamed just as I did 4 hours later.

So yeah, today is April 26 and I miss my grandma.